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i am not a good person. yesterday i officially concluded this and i have no interest in being a good person again. this is because there's a huge-ass, heavy chip on my shoulder and now i genuinely feel things are owed to me! who the eff publicly says (writes) such a thing? basically not a good person. and that's me!
i have my hate on and it's on STRONG! sure, i'm still always smiling and i'm polite, but if you only knew what i was really thinking... you'd definitely not like me. and you know what? i don't care! around 6 years ago, i made a conscious decision to be a better person, but it has gotten me no where! so why the f*ck should i even be a good person?
here is what's been running through my mind lately...
- it was my ex's birthday the other day and i was really hoping it was not "happy" for him at all!
- i found a ring the other night. i've established it is 14K white gold, but not sure what stones are in it. this ring is definitely worth a pretty penny and sparkles like diamonds... and i have no intention of returning it to the resto-lounge i found it at. how can i be so sure the place will actually return the ring to it's rightful owner? besides, no one has ever returned something valuable i have ever lost.
- we had a wonderful 3 birthday celebration dinner with 12 of my closest friends last night. and to be honest, it really wasn't great to see everyone. (sorry ladies, i know some of you read my blog...) sure i was happy to see everyone is doing well, but i really don't have anything to contribute to their conversations. i have nothing to add when talking about giving birth, taking care of children, trying to get pregnant, breast feeding, in-laws drama, husband/boyfriend woes, blah blah blah blah. you get the point. the reason why i was quiet during dinner is because i can't relate to these topics and i'd rather not hear about that stuff because it has nothing to do with me. do we really need to speak about the above topics 95% of the time we spend together? if this is the case then my presence is not needed.
- i f*ckin hate the fact that one of my closest friends hangs out with my ex because her hubby works with him. i found out they were with him the other night and this little effin-not-a-big-deal tidbit bothered me all night and is still bothering me right now! how do you get over an ex knowing good friends of yours will probably know the ongoing updates of his life? how can i avoid not wondering if they have met the new girl he's seeing or actually become friends with her? they're suppose to be MY FRIENDS FIRST!
see what i'm sayin? i am NOT a nice person! i've been going no where real fast and frankly, i'm very tired of it!
8 comments:
I don't think you're a bad person at all; you're just simply stating your thoughts and no one can judge you for that. Sorry about last night :( it was good to see you anyway! your gift was so thoughtful and I can't wait to use it (and eat Marie's cookies!)
btw, I would have totally kept the ring too :)
this is how i'm feeling today!!! let the haters hate girl!!! keepin' it real!
Yay for keeping it real - don't be fake in your blog, what's the point if you do!
Don't blame you for not wishing happiness for your ex on his birthday. Completely understand that ...
Are you willing to call it out on the friend that's hanging out with your ex?
i agree with kat, you're not a bad person - you're just being honest about what you feel and pretty damn straight about it. i think sometimes that's the problem with our society, every body gets so nicey-nice even if they a have a beef with whatever. last i heard, a good chunk of honesty and frankness hasn't killed anyone.
Aw you guys are so awesome for forgiving my honesty! You're right, I'm just keeping it real!
Elisse: I can't call it out on my friend... He picked me up at her wedding...
I agree w/ Kat. Sorry about Sunday and monopolizing the convo w/ bb & boob talk. Ben feels the same when he hangs out with my dragon boat friends (all we talk about is paddling & its a 2mins sport). Anyway when I do see you I would love to hear more about what's going on in ur life & heart. For me personally I know u like to keep things private so I often wait for you to volunteer information rather than ask. Perhaps I should do more asking?
Chelle: thanks for your comment! In reality, I don't mind hearing about any of the dinner topics we had the other night, but I can only handle it on a one-on-one basis or tiny groups. It's just in bigger groups I don't think it's fair because someone (in this case me since I'm literally the only single girl left) will feel left out and useless.
You are correct, I am a private person and it's rare that I volunteer any personal details. You know me pretty well, hence why you don't ask questions and please keep it that way because questions make me uncomfortable. Hopefully next time we all get together we broaden our topics and maybe even speak about tv? Movies? Food? Even work? =)
Love you babe!
Doh! I was hoping you would give me permission to ask you the nitty gritty ;) You're above comments are totally fair. I don't work but we can always start off with a good round of KFM (kill, f*ck or marry) See you soon!
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