i'm turning 35 in less than 3 weeks and i have spent most of my teenage, young adult and adult years single. i'm not gonna lie, i don't have problems meeting guys, but finding a guy to date is a different story and finding a guy to be in a relationship with is an even bigger story.
now that i'm getting up there, options are wearing thin and time isn't on my side. this brings me back to the ongoing debate i've been contemplating about for quite some time... should i or shouldn't i join online dating sites?
long gone are the days of often painting the town red. i'd rather chill with friends and family at their house, but that makes it difficult to meet any potentials. no offense friends, but i already know all your friends. it's very unlikely i'll be meeting adating option at your place.
the only other ways i can think of are:
join online dating sites
speed dating
be more open to dating any Joe-blow off the street?
HELP! please?!
i want to know what you think!
should i online date? join several sites? go on many speed dates? focus my energy on my dating life as much as i focus on working out and work? is that even possible? or should i shift most of my efforts towards dating? what should my priorities be???
with turning 35 years old just around the corner and recently suffering a breakup, it's forced me to re-evaluate...
throughout my life, i can honestly say there's been three instances of when i wasn't ready for the relationship to end. no, my last relationship is not on this list. if i've learned anything from the first two, it takes me approximately 4 years to get over "him". WHAT THE F*CK?! if that's truly the case, this means by the time i get over #3, I WILL BE 38 YEARS OLD!!f*ck me!
wow, can i really afford to wait that long to move on?
my last relationship proved i can't be with someone else while having feelings for another. that was the 1st time i've overlapped my feelings and clearly my heart was not a fan and fought back. hence why i'm back to just me, myself and i.
i've contemplated this before... since i don't look my age, maybe i should move to a far city where no one knows me. lie about my age and start my life from scratch.it's kinda like giving myself another chance...
and here's (the expression i say the most) blog series:
"i'm not gonna lie..."
i'm not gonna lie, one of the reasons why i enjoy carrying babies is because it's giving me an upper body workout. and i enjoy playing with kids cuz it's a semi-cardio workout. haha.
i'm not gonna lie, my arms are pretty sore from holding all those babies at Jaida's birthday party yesterday. YES! mission accomplished!
i hate being smothered! damnit it, i'm not peanut butter! if you've guessed 26er, yuppers, that is who i'm talking about. i'm not gonna lie, it's really annoying me and he told me when we first started dating that he's not affectionate!
i'm not gonna lie, i miss how the ex knew the exact distance and closeness he should have with me...
i just watched Source Code last night and really really liked it! i'm not gonna lie, i want to watch it in the theatre again. not because Jake G is my number 1. it's cuz that's how much i enjoyed the movie!
i now understand why i often wake up in the middle of the night... it's because of my dreams. subconsciously, i'm in disbelief and wake myself up. i'm not gonna lie, i wish i didn't do that because most of the time, i wish my dreams were my reality.
hope all is well and you're enjoying your Sunday! it's raining in Tdot. i'm gonna make it a lazy one!
and literally it is. i can feel my ass physically growing today.
BOOOOOO! i've been missing in (blog) action. MY BAD. i have yet to figure out how to balance a new relationship with all my social networking activities. 26er still doesn't understanding why i'm always on my iPhone4 while he's around. silly boy! it's cuz my iPhone4 is the love of my life! LOL!
here's my 1st blog post after an unwanted blog break:
my "i'm not gonna lie"for March...
i'm not gonna lie, i'm annoyed at myself for not keeping up with my blog and the blogs i follow. i want to do it! but i've been sucking lately with my leisure time management skills. if you have any tips on how to manage this, please let me know!
last week, 26er pointed out our 2 month anniversary... wow, really? never in my life in any relationship have i ever made note of a 2 month mark. i'm not gonna lie, i'm waiting for him to get sick of me so he won't want to see me everyday. damn it 26er! hurry up and get annoyed with me. LOL!
i'm not gonna lie, i still want to be with 26er, but i don't want to see him EVERYDAY! he's annoyed me frequently this past month, but i finally braved up and confronted him about it. now let's see if he's mature enough to work on it.
shame on me!i'm dating a 26-year-old! what do i really expect from a guy who is 26 years old?! his behaviour is fairly typical of a 26 year old (and an only child).i'm not gonna lie, i shouldn't be complaining if i've decided to be in a relationship with a 26-year-old!
the weirdest thing has happened to me... i haven't really been drinking. WTF? often i've been having only 1 alcoholic beverage in a sitting. AND i don't mind. AND i don't care to have more. AND i've been nursing the 1 drink. AND i've been completely sober when i'm out OUT! i'm not gonna lie, i'm shocked! i think this may be a sign to go on a drinking hiatus.
fine fine. i kinda lied. i did have a little more than 2 glasses of wine last night. i'm not gonna lie, i enjoyed it. i believe this may be a sign to therefore go on a drinking hiatus from everything BUT wine. haha.
i'm not gonna lie, i probably haven't been drinking an abundance of alcohol lately because i've been putting too many other things in my mouth! such as...
yummzy - Southwest Salad at Turtle Jacks Muskoka (my new fave resto)
heavenly dessert - fire & ice at Turtle Jacks
peach bellini (the best bellini ever) at Earls Restaurant
peanut butter chocolate mini cupcake from Starbucks
it's no lie, i have feelings for my ex. chances are, you know this if you've read my blog recently. and yes, it's no lie, i'm currently in a relationship with someone else (26er) while having feelings for my ex. but you probably know this too.
let me give you some background about the ex also known as “the dude”. the last time i had contact with him was this past November and at the end of it, he had no interest in being friends... no interest in even being acquaintances... i was confused, upset and hurt but most of all furious because he could dismiss me with no recall of why we got together in the first place. despite all i was feeling that very moment, there was no denying my heart still felt for him even though my mind decided it was time to move on.
if we wanted to or not, we both knew sooner or later we would run into each other since we have mutual friends.
fast forward to the weekend that just passed, it was now that time...
initially i contemplated not going to 3 of my friends’ birthdays because there was a chance the dude might be there. living my life in fear of seeing “him”?!that’s no way of living life and a no-show was unacceptable to the birthday celebrants especially since one of them lives in NorCal and was only in town for a short while. plus he told me about his birthday celebration over a month ago.
so we devised a plan – ignore the dude and pretend i didn’t know him. done and DONE! he wouldn’t be the first i did this to... besides 26er is rolling with me tonight.
so... ummm... yeaaaaa... the plan didn’t go according to plan.come on now Maur!execution never goes as planned!
yup, the dude showed up and instead of ignoring me too, he tried to get my attention and talk to me all night. at one point he was showing me something on his BB and 26er saw at a distance and assumed i was giving my number because everyone knows when i’m drunk i give my number away like candy. but duh, i don’t do that when i’m spoken for. haha, silly 26er.
oh and by the way... i didn’t inform 26er that an ex would be there that night. i don’t know. was i suppose to? would you?
but it’s all good... i made sure everyone there was aware i had a man without any annoying PDA and i was not giving the dude the time of day, but he didn’t care AND his friend (that he arrived with) didn’t care either because he was hitting on me all night.
i’m not done.
when the dude thought i left, apparently he text me a couple of times because he didn’t get the chance to say bye and proceeded to tell me that when he saw me a few minutes later.
i didn’t say bye to the dude or his friend when i left, but i did check the dude’s texts after. in summary, he text me; it was "good seeing me"... AND...
***WARNING*** THIS IS WILL BE TOO MUCH INFORMATION*** SO DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW TOO MUCH INFO!
he also text me; “for the record, the sex was amazing. probably the best. we have good chemistry, honestly awesome!”
and with that, all the progress i made in getting over him was set back tenfold. i’m not gonna lie, i miss him like crazy and think of him often when i’m with 26er. and even more so after this weekend.
side note: his friend also sent me a direct message on twitter during the night, which didn’t make sense since i couldn’t hear him all night. however, i know it was sexual in context because this wouldn’t be the first time he’s DMed me.
side note #2: i know i’m not overreacting about the dude’s interactions because our mutual friend (who was not there cuz she’s pregger but her hubby was present) text me the next day to let me know her hubby informed her the dude was acting dumb about me all night.
side note #3: by the way, 26er did end up surprising me with flowers and dinner for Valentine's day.
if you follow me on twitter, you've probably figured it out... yes, yes, 26er and i are "together".
we had the "talk" just short of 2 weeks ago and at the end of it, i thought we were "seeing" each other. little did i know at the time that "seeing" to him means we're bf & gf. LOL! guess i'm in a relationship then!
don't worry. i wasn't tricked into being his gf. i genuinely like the guy. a lot. he makes me happy and just the thought of him does. but is it bad i still have feelings for my ex? if my ex were to ask me back today, i would definitely say "NO". but if he had a million dollars attached to him, i might change my mind. i imagine the begging would go something like this...
him:"i've been thinking about you for quite some time and no matter who i date, i still can't get you off my mind. can you please reconsider our decision to not be together anymore? i miss you so much and i now realize you're my match and the only one i can truly see myself with."
me: "hmmmmmm... no. i don't think so..."
him: "but Maur, how bout if i give you a million dollars right now? would you consider getting back with me?"
me: "let me see the cash."
him: "here it is. all in this bag." he proceeds to open the bag and show me.
me: grabs the bag. "okay, i'll think about it."
here are the facts:
26er is my bf and i want to be with him.
i still have feelings for my ex, but given the chance, i would not get back with him.
question:
is it wrong to be in a relationship with 26er?
another fact... my relationship with 26er is complicated. not because of "us", but because of the circumstances. unfortunately, we have to be careful about who knows about us and where we go because we have to avoid certain people seeing us together. and if i was still on facebook, we would not be able to be open about us. which means no photo posting of us, no status updates involving what we do plus i wouldn't be able to befriend his friends. i'm not gonna lie, that sucks. thankfully, i'm not on fbook anymore.
and his age... he's considerably younger than me. being with him is what i may want right now, but realistically,am i wasting my time?what do you think?
just 2 more prompts left to go in the new year blog challenge, but unfortunately i can not finish today... i have yet to take a photo of myself this year. thanks again Reni for this fun challenge!
question 9...
what would i do differently this year?
i have one word for you. ME! i'm doing me this year! i'm focusing on me... doing what i want to do... putting me 1st... that's right! it's all about the selfish approach. not to worry, i'll still be doing everyone else too. but this time i've added me to the list. and i've added me to the top of the list!
prompt 10...
the last and final prompt of the new year challenge...
a photo of myself in 2011 (solo or with other people, things i love, etc.)
to be continued....
i'll probably get 26er to take a photo of me tomorrow when we go for sushi. we've decided to make sushi our regular Sunday staple. in the meantime, enjoy some 2010 photos...
Chelle's stagette at "Sweet Tears", Revival
VanCity - on a boat with Mary & Cris
with Aven (my dear good friend from back when)
Honolulu luau with Darren & Cris
with Marie. CONGRATULATIONS to Marie on being a new mom! Mason Lucas (7lbs 11oz) BORN TODAY, January 22, 2011 at 12:04am
side note...
26er UPDATE: i've pretty much seen him everyday this week. and i don't mind it at all!
i've been up since 5am on this Monday, January 3rd, 2011 morning and i have today off. it is so like me to be awake at the crack of dawn on a day when i don't have to go to work. damn me!
what was the first thing that came to mind after waking up on new year's day?
two things came to mind... something new(mildly-crushing-on guy who is now known as 26er) and something old(the dude).
for the low down on both guys... you will find mentions of 26er here and here. and you will find details of the dude here, here, and sad/bad mentions of him here, here, and here.
sometime last week i mentioned on twitter that i may be "using" 26er. i recently realized exactly what i'm using him for... he's the something new and the only thing right now that is capable of making me forget about the something old...
before i get on with this post, i should clarify what dating means to me.
dating to me means...
hanging out with someone to learn more about them with the intention of the possibility something more than friendship may come out of it. there is no commitment to each other in dating and you're free to date as many people as you like.
so now that we have cleared that up, i'll begin...
i don't like the dating game. first of all, i'm not a dater and never have been. but being at the tender age of thirty-something-something... friends having their 4th child... and 98% of my girls being married or in a committed relationship, i feel the need to PUT MYSELF OUT THERE! i know my friends are starting to feel for me too. so now, there's true efforts in introducing me to new guys, setting up blind dates, keeping me in mind when meeting single dudes and advertising to friends that "yup, Maureen is still available!"
so here's an overview of my dating life. by the way, i nick named all of the guys...
Movember guy: a little over a week ago, i went on a blind double date with my friend, her hubby and her co-worker. i have never met, spoken or had any type of communication her co-worker prior to this and originally she wanted him and i to meet up on our own. luckily i convinced her to join because i don't think i would have lasted if it was just the 2 of us. he emailed me yesterday asking to meet up again. and oh how badly i wanted to ignore the email, but out of respect for my friend, i told her i was not interested. so she suggested i just tell him i was too busy because of the holidays. now why didn't i think of that?
can't-recall-what-he-looks-like guy: this is the guy who takes too long to respond to my texts. my last text to him sums up to "i'm much too busy to make any time for you." i'm sure he got this loud and clear!
recycled guy: over a month ago, i hung out with this guy who i went on a few dates with years ago. (date details can be found here). he's still texting me regularly and i've been too busy to go out with him again. let's be honest here, i also dated his brother so it would never work out between us. currently, i'm figuring out how to politely get him off my back.
mildly-crushing-on guy: he's the most recent addition - been kinda crushing on him for maybe 2 months now. i had a dream about him this past Friday so the next day, i put myself out there and invited him via fbook to hang out. i know, i know, very impersonal, but the only other forms of contact i have had with him are his work email and work cell and i did not want to go that route. we ended up meeting to watch the Leafs game over food and beer. i had a blast and time flew by. we spent 5.5 hours together and not once was there a second i was bored. now here's the kicker... he's damn YOUNG! i'm not exaggerating - he's only 26! (there's another kicker, but i'm choosing to plead the fifth on that one.) also, i have other reservations besides his age. surprisingly, we've been texting each other daily since Saturday. guess we'll see... besides, him and i have only hung out on our own that one time... meh, whatever.
alright, that's all the dating deets you're getting from me today. there's more i'd like to say, but this post would be hella long... you'll just have to stay tuned for future posts.
oh and please feel free to intro me to other guys, set me up and big me up to your friends! just to clarify, i am not desperate. simply, i have fallen too far behind in this aspect of my life and am trying to use all my resources. LOL!
it's mid-way through the week and do you know what that means? it means hell week is almost done and my huge-ass work promo is launching in a few days. OH MY! OH YES!
but, i still have to survive the rest of the week! LOL!
based on popular demand by my tweeps, last night (after yet another long work day) i went on a date. what i really wanted to do was watch the BOS vs MIA ball game with Mike, but my teeeple spoke and recommended i combine the two by suggesting to my date to watch the game.
he was so in, but i was right - ball isn't his sport. he's all about hockey... but he was still in. plus he received bonus points for suggesting the Real Sports Bar & Grill, a bar located beside the ACC i've been dying to try since it opened a few months ago. with that, he turned my dread of hanging out with him into excitement... not excitement to see him, but excitement to see the Real Sports Bar! Ha ha!
he's kind of recycled. i've been on a few dates with him YEARS ago AND I ALSO have been on some dates with his brother. of course not simultaneously - if that makes the situation any better. hehe. i tell ya, slim pickings back then and even slimmer pickings now hence why i'm recycling. ha!
i had a good time, but you know what? it doesn't matter who or what i'm with, i always have a good time. i can have good time with a wall and a door for god's sake...
years ago i thought he was pretty attractive, but after last night, i've concluded...
i'm not as attracted to him as i was 5 years ago (or was it 7?). it was like hanging out with one of my boys.
i think his brother is hotter even though he's smarter.
if i were to go on a date with his brother, i'd probably not be attracted to him as well.
they both have the same type of voice. the type of voice that kind of annoys me. they're both lucky they're good looking.
nothing panned out with this dude for a reason and i doubt anything will ever pan out.
it's all good though. i'm glad i went... i was able to watch the b-ball game and leafs game, drink beer, eat some good food, have good company and experience all that in an atmosphere that was fun, hype and pretty unbelievable. i say unbelievable because being in the Real Sports Bar made me feel like a child in a candy store. it's a playground for adults in there! i felt like i was in Vegas! YES VEGAS! perfect timing considering i'm taking off to Sin City in a week!
Check, check, CHECK THIS OUT! it's a 79 footer television surrounded by tons of other TVs!
plus this place has tables with their own televisions! if you ever go here, try to get a table on the 2nd level. being eye level with this 79' TV is effing AMAZING! AMAZING i say! (had to say it twice because that's how amazing this place is!)
the other night Leeshi and i reconnected with a couple of old skoolboyz for dinner and drinks. it was fun and just like old times. they're still fricken hilarious... saying the most random things, announcing false embarrassing comments to complete strangers like the waitress. those boyz are such jokes. i love how it's possible to reconnect with old friends after a couple of years and have it pick up where you last left off like nothing has changed. that's when you know they're a friend for life.
a topic of conversion was relationships. me being recently single, Leeshi asked if they had any friends they can intro me to. so B proceeded to go through his fbook friends looking for single guys. most of the time he'd laugh when saying their names and K would join in. then they'd show us the profile pic... and Leeshi and I would understand why they were laughing. LOL!
what ended up happening is Leeshi would take a look at each photo before me and say "no". "no" as in "no, that's not Maureen's type". she said no each time.
how odd she thought she knew my type when i myself, didn't know my type? plus she had never met my last dude or even seen a photo. but it wasn't because she knew my type, it's because she just couldn't picture me with a Filipino...
and at that moment when she told me that, i realized she was right.
i don't know what my type is, but i'm pretty sure he's not Asian. WTF, i'm Asian! so why the hell wouldn't i be with one? back in high school i loved them off and as of a few years ago i was still attracted to them. but when i think about it, Asians are now back on the bottom of my list. i have a love-hate relationship with them, one day they're at the top of my list, the next at the bottom. and now back at the bottom, i think they'll stay.
and with that, i have figured out my type. my type is...
dude from October is still always on my mind. (WOW!)
we practically see each other everyday and i just can't get enough of him. what's cool is, i still am my social self... going out to lunches and dinners with my girls and boyz... hanging out with friends and fam... having binge drinking nights (LOL!)... yup. i'm still doing it all. him and i just manage to squeeze in time to see each other without compromising our plans with everyone else. (bailing is also one of his biggest pet peeves.) yes, we may see each other ALOT, but we indeed also have our time apart.
warning... here comes some corniness.
he's awesome! spending time with him is a ball, no matter what we are doing. he can always make me laugh. i can't stop smiling when i'm around him and when i'm not around him, i'm still smiling cuz of him. there's enough seriousness about him and he's not overbearing or a tightass plus he knows how to brush things off without going on a rampage. he's not cheesy, but he does nice things for me...
you guys are probably thinking, ummm yea of course it's all dandy cuz we're in the honeymoon phase, but him and i have already had our 1st disagreement... and he handled it smoothly, making sure to squash it right away. weird, he already knows me better than any of my exes. to be honest, he knows me so well, it feels like we have known each other since we were little kids.
so if you're curious to know who this dude is, i suggest you go to the NYE party i invited you to. it's kinda his party, so we'll both be there. besides, it's a great deal!
i'm spending too much time with a dude and it's time to cut back. don't get me wrong... we still get along famously and i LOVE spending time with him, but i really need to take it down a notch cuz i'm setting myself to get hurt.
there's this guy and he's constantly on my mind. i don't know if i like the fact that i'm always thinking about him. it makes me feel vulnerable and i feel as though i don't have control over the situation. regardless, the thought of him makes me smile. and i like that part.
i started hanging out with him a couple of Sundays ago and within a week i saw him 4 times. now if you're reading this and you happen to know me personally, please do not pick up the phone, send me an email or text to ask me who this dude is. if anything transpires and he's worth while, i'll eventually tell you about him.
he's just a guy i get along with amazingly... a guy i would like to spend more time with... and a guy i would like to learn more about.
kinda sucks right now cuz for 2 weeks he's away on business . he just left yesterday and i was able to see him before he left. but i already started missing him the second after we said goodbye...
weird. i can't recall if any guy has ever made me feel this way this quickly before.
Have you ever been forced into the friend zone when you wanted something more? What did you do? Did you distance yourself to get over him/her or did you remain friends because you hoped one day he/she would feel the same way about you? And then years after, you still feel the same way.
Is there anyone you have dated you regret breaking up with? But only realized years after that you regret not giving it one more try.
I've always wondered how long distance relationships last? There's so many people in between the distance. It's not that I don't trust myself. It's all those other people around me I don't necessarily trust.
Divorce is very common. Cheating is even more common. This is so sad.
I have an extremely short attention span - crushing on guys (almost) on a daily basis. Yet, I can still have feelings for years for a particular guy that was never mine.
I think I have gotten pickier with age. This sucks because if I couldn't find a man 5 years ago, what makes me think I'll find him anytime soon when I'm more picky than was 5 years ago?
Seriously, why does it feel like cheaters outweigh those who are genuinely committed?
Do you believe in love at first sight? I didn't, until I saw the man of my dreams in Loblaws last week. LOL!
What do you consider too young or too old for you?
If you asked me this question a few years ago, I would have considered 4 years younger as too young. But at my current age, I don't think 29 is too young for me.
How about 25? Now this age, I'm pretty certain IS too young for me... it doesn't matter if he's turning 26 this year. However, I think I can deal with a 27 year old. Hmmmmmm... me (32 years old turning 33 this year) with a younger man who is 27. (I'll call him a man to deflect the reality of being a cougar-in-training.)
Does that sound bad to you? A woman 6 years older than her man? 8 years older is too much, yes?
Now let's reverse it. Is 39 too old for an almost 33 year old woman? How about 40? I have never dated anyone significantly older than me. This is the first time I've given this issue much thought.
I don't know why, but the thought of dating a 40 year old creeps me out. But dating a 39 year old, not as much.
I guess that solves it. I'm open to the ages of 27 through 39. Any guy that falls outside of this age bracket, I'll consider on a case by case basis. Haha.
So I'm officially on the market... yet... again... *sigh*
Prior to Mr.Guy and I getting together, I was single for almost 6 years. You would think I'd be a pro at dating and meeting guys. But in those 6 years of singlehood, I learned NOTHING! I rarely dated. I'm good at being social, but not good at taking risks when it comes to guys I'm attracted to and interested in.
Obviously, I got nowhere. Ha!
But this time around, I want it to be different. Make it worth my while. So when I look back upon my single life, I can say I have no regrets, I had fun and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
I'm unsure how to go about it. With Mr.Guy I put so much into our relationship - more than my effort added together from all my past relationships and look where it got me? Wasted effort on someone probably not worth my while.
Do you have any good advice? Any ideas on how to meet guys? How do I get myself out there? Better yet, do you have any single guy friends you can set me up with? LOL!
Seriously though. I'm not kidding. I'm open to anything. And even more open to things you think I wouldn't do!
