bad versus evil

a while back i wrote this post which summarized my strong feelings for my last 2 exes. my hate for one and my love for another. fast forward to now... that's so not the case anymore.

i know a few months ago i expressed so much hate for 26er. but in the summer, i decided to eliminate hate from my life. frankly, hate takes too much energy and how could i possibly hate someone i used to feel very strongly for? so with that lesson, i decided to no longer resist and we became friends again.

... and i fell for him again. this time for real because "the dude" was no longer in my heart.

without giving you the details, 26er broke my heart last month and last Sunday, he broke me as a person. though the reason is unknown to me, he concluded i was a nasty person and said horrible things to me. never again does he want to speak to me. so now the tables are turned. karma never did like me.

if you only knew all that went down on Sunday, you would encourage me to hate him forever. but like i said, i eliminated hate out of my life. so no, i do not hate 26er even after all the cruel things he said to me. instead, i'm currently accepting his passionate disgust for me because i know somewhere in there, he is still a good person. he may not ever want anything to do with me again, but my heart can't deny how i truly feel for him. 

the only thing i can do without doing anything at all is accept his stance on me and accept my stance on him. and so i do.

<via>

hate love - ramblings from the heart

(via)

this past Saturday was a pretty big day for me personally. i deleted the last of my exes' phone numbers off my mobile. the one i hate (26er) and the one i still love (the dude).

i'm not lying. i HATE 26er. how can i be such a bad judge of character?! after Saturday, i have realized he is truly delusional and not a good person. sorry, but i won't be revealing any details of what recently went down because it gets me furious and upset. just know i regret every minute i have spent with him and every minute i am forced to. i don't think i've ever hated an ex before. dislike yes. HATE no.

now why the eff do i still love the dude??! not cool, heart! not cool at all!

i'm so hating my job that i love! how is upper management working on an 18 month calendar?? hmmmm... oh wait a second, that's right, there's only 12 months in a year! idiots! they're currently running our promotions as though it's a pig pen. WHAT THE F*CK GUYS, get your effing act together quick! time is of the essence and we simply don't have time!

the other night, some random stranger on fbook messaged me to tell me i'm cute. his relationship status on fbook is "married". are you effing kidding me??! i hate guys like that! BOOOOOOOOOO!

i love Vancouver and my many friends who reside in the beautiful city. in support of my second home, i'm a Canucks fan but seriously Canucks, what the eff was up with game #3??! i hate how you let the Bruins molest you!

i love my friends, but hate how every day is a day closer to what brings us further apart. i'm slowly realizing we no longer have much in common and we won't be gaining common ground any time soon...

i'm not gonna lie for the month of May

my take on guys...

i'm not gonna lie, one of the first things that crosses my mind when i see a cute or good looking guy is "is he gay?".

i rarely come across any eye candy. what the hell happened?! did they all consciously decide to move to a different city all at at the same time? i'm not gonna lie, i'm lucky if i see one cute guy in the month.

my take on working out...

i've been working out like a feen lately. i'm not gonna lie, even though i've been working out almost everyday, i swear my ass and thighs have only grown! WORKOUTS FAIL?!

my take on turning almost cougar status...

in less than 2 months i'll be turning 35! holy eff, where has the time gone?! i'm not gonna lie, when i look back to where i was 10 years ago, everything about my life is pretty much the same. WOW, I SUCK! but what better way to celebrate almost being a cougar by embracing my new age at the exact minute i turn "old" in VEGAS baby with my Asian Sensation ladies and fellow bloggers and friends: Leesh, Kat, Steph, Reni and Elisse. 

my take on life...

one of my oldest close friends just got engaged. i'm not gonna lie, while i'm incredibly ecstatic for A and R, i can't help but feel incredibly sad because of selfish reasons. he's the last of my old skool boyz to get hitched. now all of them are officially grown up! out of all of my boyz, never did i think in a million years i would be the last one left. they're all boys! i'm the only girl! shouldn't i be one of the first?! i can't even find someone to be happy with! one of them is even expecting. i'm not gonna lie, this very moment is probably one of the saddest moments of my life as i've come to the realization that i live a very sad sad sad life. i'm not gonna lie, i'm actually crying for myself at this very second. literally. i feel so pathetic and heart broken for some reason... my heart aches for what others have. you know that "creepy uncle" at fam jams?! when i think about it, i'm kinda like the "creepy aunt." ZING (on me)!

i'm not gonna lie, i live only half alive...

i'm the furthest one to this reality (via)

this is how i feel. i stand alone as everyone else moves forward. (via)

c'est life...

with turning 35 years old just around the corner and recently suffering a breakup, it's forced me to re-evaluate...

throughout my life, i can honestly say there's been three instances of when i wasn't ready for the relationship to end. no, my last relationship is not on this list. if i've learned anything from the first two, it takes me approximately 4 years to get over "him". WHAT THE F*CK?! if that's truly the case, this means by the time i get over #3, I WILL BE 38 YEARS OLD!! f*ck me!

wow, can i really afford to wait that long to move on?

my last relationship proved i can't be with someone else while having feelings for another. that was the 1st time i've overlapped my feelings and clearly my heart was not a fan and fought back. hence why i'm back to just me, myself and i.

i've contemplated this before... since i don't look my age, maybe i should move to a far city where no one knows me. lie about my age and start my life from scratch. it's kinda like giving myself another chance...

(via)

photo challenge. day 4. + April's "i'm not gonna lie"

day 4

four photos from my past

VanCity 2002

halloween 2003(?) - amnesia party

goodbye 2005! welcome 2006!

2008: Yup, Raptors' Andrea Bargani is tall!

* * * * *

and here's (the expression i say the most) blog series: 

"i'm not gonna lie..."

i'm not gonna lie, one of the reasons why i enjoy carrying babies is because it's giving me an upper body workout. and i enjoy playing with kids cuz it's a semi-cardio workout. haha.

i'm not gonna lie, my arms are pretty sore from holding all those babies at Jaida's birthday party yesterday. YES! mission accomplished!

i hate being smothered! damnit it, i'm not peanut butter! if you've guessed 26er, yuppers, that is who i'm talking about. i'm not gonna lie, it's really annoying me and he told me when we first started dating that he's not affectionate!

i'm not gonna lie, i miss how the ex knew the exact distance and closeness he should have with me...

i just watched Source Code last night and really really liked it! i'm not gonna lie, i want to watch it in the theatre again. not because Jake G is my number 1. it's cuz that's how much i enjoyed the movie!

i now understand why i often wake up in the middle of the night... it's because of my dreams. subconsciously, i'm in disbelief and wake myself up. i'm not gonna lie, i wish i didn't do that because most of the time, i wish my dreams were my reality.

hope all is well and you're enjoying your Sunday! it's raining in Tdot. i'm gonna make it a lazy one!  

and literally it is. i can feel my ass physically growing today.

"i'm not gonna lie" for March

BOOOOOO! i've been missing in (blog) action. MY BAD. i have yet to figure out how to balance a new relationship with all my social networking activities. 26er still doesn't understanding why i'm always on my iPhone4 while he's around. silly boy! it's cuz my iPhone4 is the love of my life! LOL!

here's my 1st blog post after an unwanted blog break:

my "i'm not gonna lie" for March...

i'm not gonna lie, i'm annoyed at myself for not keeping up with my blog and the blogs i follow. i want to do it! but i've been sucking lately with my leisure time management skills. if you have any tips on how to manage this, please let me know!

last week, 26er pointed out our 2 month anniversary... wow, really? never in my life in any relationship have i ever made note of a 2 month mark. i'm not gonna lie, i'm waiting for him to get sick of me so he won't want to see me everyday. damn it 26er! hurry up and get annoyed with me. LOL!

i'm not gonna lie, i still want to be with 26er, but i don't want to see him EVERYDAY! he's annoyed me frequently this past month, but i finally braved up and confronted him about it. now let's see if he's mature enough to work on it.

shame on me! i'm dating a 26-year-old! what do i really expect from a guy who is 26 years old?! his behaviour is fairly typical of a 26 year old (and an only child). i'm not gonna lie, i shouldn't be complaining if i've decided to be in a relationship with a 26-year-old!

the weirdest thing has happened to me... i haven't really been drinking. WTF? often i've been having only 1 alcoholic beverage in a sitting. AND i don't mind. AND i don't care to have more. AND i've been nursing the 1 drink. AND i've been completely sober when i'm out OUT! i'm not gonna lie, i'm shocked! i think this may be a sign to go on a drinking hiatus.

fine fine. i kinda lied. i did have a little more than 2 glasses of wine last night. i'm not gonna lie, i enjoyed it. i believe this may be a sign to therefore go on a drinking hiatus from everything BUT wine. haha.

i'm not gonna lie, i probably haven't been drinking an abundance of alcohol lately because i've been putting too many other things in my mouth! such as...

yummzy - Southwest Salad at Turtle Jacks Muskoka (my new fave resto)

heavenly dessert -  fire & ice at Turtle Jacks

peach bellini (the best bellini ever) at Earls Restaurant

peanut butter chocolate mini cupcake from Starbucks

Starbucks minis (2 lolli-cakes: birthday cake & rocky road, salted caramel square)

  

that's it for now. hope you're all enjoying your weekend! 

HAPPY SATURDAY!!

anonymous...

before i get to the meat of this post, i just want to apologize to all my fellow bloggers. i haven't had the chance to read or comment on blogs for the last couple of weeks. i'm hoping to go on a blog binge tomorrow. hopefully, i'll be caught up soon!

now to the post...

i received an anonymous comment regarding my ex-factor post. at first when i read the comment, i was insulted, but now i believe this person is playing devil's advocate. judging by some of the questions, this person doesn't know me well and has probably never had a one-on-one or heart-to-heart conversation with me... when i have heart-to-heart conversations with my close friends, many times it's one-sided. one-sided meaning, i allow them to pour his or her heart out and i mainly listen. it's not that i don't want to share details about my life, i'm simply a private person resulting from getting burned back in high school. it forever changed my outlook in revealing details of my life - lesson learned and lesson carried forward in my life.

instead of publishing this anonymous' comment, i've decided to write an entry about their questions, just in case you too may be questioning me... see below my answers in purple.

Anonymous has left the following comment on my post "the ex-factor":

Do you think it's fair for you to be with someone while still having feelings for another?

to be honest, it probably isn't. but i know there are people out there in a marriage or in a relationship (a happy one) and still have feelings for someone else. this doesn't mean he/she doesn't have stronger feelings for the person he/she is currently with. it IS possible to have feelings for more than one person simultaneously. i'm living proof that it's possible.

Did you take some satisfaction that your ex texted you?

i'm not gonna lie, of course i did! who wouldn't?! so yes, i was somewhat satisfied when my ex texted me! he threw me to the curb! and now i know he thinks of me and compares me to other girls after me.

Do you think you're using your current bf? Or are your feelings sincere?

i know i'm not using my current boyfriend. i enjoy spending every minute with him. i see him everyday. every touch and even when he accidentally touches me, gives me goosebumps and i physically feel a tingle throughout my whole body. the thought of him makes me smile and the minute we leave each other, i already i want to see him again. i know my feelings are sincere.. not any guy can make me feel this way... 

Do you think your current relationship has a future?

at this very moment, i would say yes because we are very happy and in the honeymoon phase. but in reality he's 8 years younger than me. even though i live this part of my life on the fly, i know in my heart, eventually i would like to get married and "maybe" have children. he probably doesn't want these things for quite some time. even though i may not want these things right now, he probably doesn't want them until years after i do...

Why do you separate your relationship from your friends? Do you have something to hide? 

no, i don't have anything to hide. as mentioned in the beginning of this post, i'm a private person. without going into too much detail, back in high school i mentioned (once) who i was going on a date with and then everything blew up in my face. at that moment, i vowed to never mention too many details of my love life. it's for the better i keep this to myself until i'm certain i'm comfortable with revealing that part of my world. my terms, always.

Do you know what you want from your life?

does anyone truly know what they want from life? if they do, do they really get what they want? just because people may know what they want from life, doesn't mean they will get it.

i know certain things i want from life, but i don't know everything i want... i know i want a good job that i enjoy. i know i want to be surrounded by good, loving people. i know eventually i want to be married and maybe have children... at this time, i'm not certain i really do want children. like i said, i know some things i want from life, but not everything. ultimately, i just want to be happy. 

What are you going to do when you encounter your ex again with or without your current bf?

if you read my comments from my last post, if he pulls the same crap again, i'm gonna call him on it... he told me he didn't want to be friends. so why is he speaking to me as though we are? i really can't give you a definite answer for this question, i can't predict the future.

If I had to read between the lines in your post, I think you're tempted by your ex despite knowing how destructive he could be to you.

yea, i very well know he's destructive. hence why i made the conscious decision to leave him in the past. what makes you think i'm tempted though? did you conclude this because if you were in the same situation you would be tempted? i guess in these circumstances many people would be tempted. yes, my ex texted me that it was good to see me and i was his best sex, but this doesn't mean the feeling is mutual.

(via)

the ex-factor

it's no lie, i have feelings for my ex. chances are, you know this if you've read my blog recently. and yes, it's no lie, i'm currently in a relationship with someone else (26er) while having feelings for my ex. but you probably know this too.

let me give you some background about the ex also known as “the dude”. the last time i had contact with him was this past November and at the end of it, he had no interest in being friends... no interest in even being acquaintances... i was confused, upset and hurt but most of all furious because he could dismiss me with no recall of why we got together in the first place. despite all i was feeling that very moment, there was no denying my heart still felt for him even though my mind decided it was time to move on. 

if we wanted to or not, we both knew sooner or later we would run into each other since we have mutual friends.

fast forward to the weekend that just passed, it was now that time...

initially i contemplated not going to 3 of my friends’ birthdays because there was a chance the dude might be there. living my life in fear of seeing “him”?! that’s no way of living life and a no-show was unacceptable to the birthday celebrants especially since one of them lives in NorCal and was only in town for a short while. plus he told me about his birthday celebration over a month ago. 

so we devised a plan – ignore the dude and pretend i didn’t know him. done and DONE! he wouldn’t be the first i did this to... besides 26er is rolling with me tonight.

so... ummm... yeaaaaa... the plan didn’t go according to plan. come on now Maur! execution never goes as planned! 

yup, the dude showed up and instead of ignoring me too, he tried to get my attention and talk to me all night. at one point he was showing me something on his BB and 26er saw at a distance and assumed i was giving my number because everyone knows when i’m drunk i give my number away like candy. but duh, i don’t do that when i’m spoken for. haha, silly 26er. 

oh and by the way... i didn’t inform 26er that an ex would be there that night. i don’t know. was i suppose to? would you?

but it’s all good... i made sure everyone there was aware i had a man without any annoying PDA and i was not giving the dude the time of day, but he didn’t care AND his friend (that he arrived with) didn’t care either because he was hitting on me all night.

i’m not done. 

when the dude thought i left, apparently he text me a couple of times because he didn’t get the chance to say bye and proceeded to tell me that when he saw me a few minutes later.

i didn’t say bye to the dude or his friend when i left, but i did check the dude’s texts after. in summary, he text me; it was "good seeing me"... AND... 

***WARNING*** THIS IS WILL BE TOO MUCH INFORMATION*** SO DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW TOO MUCH INFO! 

he also text me; “for the record, the sex was amazing. probably the best. we have good chemistry, honestly awesome!”

and with that, all the progress i made in getting over him was set back tenfold. i’m not gonna lie, i miss him like crazy and think of him often when i’m with 26er. and even more so after this weekend.

side note: his friend also sent me a direct message on twitter during the night, which didn’t make sense since i couldn’t hear him all night. however, i know it was sexual in context because this wouldn’t be the first time he’s DMed me.

side note #2: i know i’m not overreacting about the dude’s interactions because our mutual friend (who was not there cuz she’s pregger but her hubby was present) text me the next day to let me know her hubby informed her the dude was acting dumb about me all night.

side note #3: by the way, 26er did end up surprising me with flowers and dinner for Valentine's day.

February's "i'm not gonna lie"... + silly pics

i don't know about you, but this week has been exhausting. work has been kickin' my ass and kickin' it HARD! so much to do with so little time to do it... and why is it that my computer always chooses to work extra slow when there's an abundance of deadlines to be met at the same time period?!?! you suck work computer!

my way of releasing stress today is by writing this "i'm not gonna lie" post which is long overdue. enjoy!

i'm not gonna lie begins NOW.

i have no idea what to write. i'm not gonna lie, i've pretty much been staring at a blank blog post for quite some time and did not type a single word for the past few days. i'm not gonna lie, i started writing this post on hump day.

i know most of you agree when i say, Valentine's day is over rated. even though i completely believe this, i'm not gonna lie, i'm disappointed 26er does not care for the hallmark holiday and we will not be celebrating my awesomeness "us" in any form. i'm not gonna lie, it would've been nice to do a little something for our 1st Valentine's day together then i wouldn't care to ever celebrate Vday again. (that's if our relationship actually lasts...)

in reality, i don't deserve anything for Vday... i'm not gonna lie, i still have very strong feelings for my ex. but i swear, i'm totally infatuated with 26er. i'm not gonna lie, he's shaping up to be the best boyfriend i've ever had.

there's a girl at work i dislike a lot. and pretty much everyone does because she's crazy! i recently discovered a newly developed rumor she may be bipolar which by the way was not at all a creation of mine. i'm not gonna lie, i'm content that many of my colleagues are not fond of her. i may build on the negative energy focused on her, but at least i don't start it! ha!

i'm not gonna lie, i've been slacking on my food ground rules which are listed here and it's only been the 1st week. wow, i really lack any will power when it comes to slightly eating healthy! tsk tsk on me. i swear tomorrow is the true start date. last week was a false start... besides, one of the stupidest ideas is to start a (kinda) diet on Superbowl Sunday. DUH, Maureen!

i'm an idiot! i made plans to have dinner tonight with the crazy girl i dislike at work. i'm not gonna lie, i kinda feel sorry for her because she's crazy, weird and has no friends, but now i'm regretting making plans with her. at least we're going to Joey's - a restolounge i'm very fond of. i'm not gonna lie, i think i deserve a good Samaritan award today!

even though i suck at eating slightly healthy, at least i'm starting to get back to the old workout feen Maureen. 2 almost back-to-back rigorous 1 hour (each) cardio workouts on Mondays nights, yoga Tuesday nights and even more yoga (probably hot), now that i've bought 15 classes for only $25 and have a yoga partner to join. i'm not gonna lie, i'm quite proud of my aching self.

i'm not gonna lie, i don't have anything else to say. so with that, i'm signing off with some silly westside crew photos.  

Happy almost Valentine's day everyone! (Bah humbug!) Have a wonderful weekend!

Leeshi w/ her mini onion ring

snarly Mike

surprised Reg

picky Leeshi

silly couple

what's the 411?

if you follow me on twitter, you've probably figured it out... yes, yes, 26er and i are "together". 

we had the "talk" just short of 2 weeks ago and at the end of it, i thought we were "seeing" each other. little did i know at the time that "seeing" to him means we're bf & gf. LOL! guess i'm in a relationship then! 

don't worry. i wasn't tricked into being his gf. i genuinely like the guy. a lot. he makes me happy and just the thought of him does. but is it bad i still have feelings for my ex? if my ex were to ask me back today, i would definitely say "NO". but if he had a million dollars attached to him, i might change my mind. i imagine the begging would go something like this...

him: "i've been thinking about you for quite some time and no matter who i date, i still can't get you off my mind. can you please reconsider our decision to not be together anymore? i miss you so much and i now realize you're my match and the only one i can truly see myself with." 

me: "hmmmmmm... no. i don't think so..."

him: "but Maur, how bout if i give you a million dollars right now? would you consider getting back with me?"

me: "let me see the cash."

him: "here it is. all in this bag." he proceeds to open the bag and show me.

me: grabs the bag. "okay, i'll think about it."

here are the facts:

• 26er is my bf and i want to be with him.
• i still have feelings for my ex, but given the chance, i would not get back with him. 

question:

is it wrong to be in a relationship with 26er?

another fact... my relationship with 26er is complicated. not because of "us", but because of the circumstances. unfortunately, we have to be careful about who knows about us and where we go because we have to avoid certain people seeing us together. and if i was still on facebook, we would not be able to be open about us. which means no photo posting of us, no status updates involving what we do plus i wouldn't be able to befriend his friends. i'm not gonna lie, that sucks. thankfully, i'm not on fbook anymore.

and his age... he's considerably younger than me. being with him is what i may want right now, but realistically, am i wasting my time? what do you think?

(via)

on to the next one!

the other night Leeshi and i reconnected with a couple of old skool boyz for dinner and drinks. it was fun and just like old times. they're still fricken hilarious... saying the most random things, announcing false embarrassing comments to complete strangers like the waitress. those boyz are such jokes. i love how it's possible to reconnect with old friends after a couple of years and have it pick up where you last left off like nothing has changed. that's when you know they're a friend for life.

a topic of conversion was relationships. me being recently single, Leeshi asked if they had any friends they can intro me to. so B proceeded to go through his fbook friends looking for single guys. most of the time he'd laugh when saying their names and K would join in. then they'd show us the profile pic... and Leeshi and I would understand why they were laughing. LOL!

what ended up happening is Leeshi would take a look at each photo before me and say "no". "no" as in "no, that's not Maureen's type". she said no each time.

how odd she thought she knew my type when i myself, didn't know my type? plus she had never met my last dude or even seen a photo. but it wasn't because she knew my type, it's because she just couldn't picture me with a Filipino...

and at that moment when she told me that, i realized she was right.

i don't know what my type is, but i'm pretty sure he's not Asian. WTF, i'm Asian! so why the hell wouldn't i be with one? back in high school i loved them off and as of a few years ago i was still attracted to them. but when i think about it, Asians are now back on the bottom of my list. i have a love-hate relationship with them, one day they're at the top of my list, the next at the bottom. and now back at the bottom, i think they'll stay.

and with that, i have figured out my type. my type is...

• not Asian
• not long distance

ha ha ha.

fell on black days

some days are better than others. you would think that i have never gone through a break up before or maybe it just hurts more because i'm in my mid-30s and my life hasn't changed much from 10 years ago... or maybe it's simply because i really liked him.

and it sucks that i still feel for him... and that i still think of him daily... curious to know what he's up to... wishing he still thinks of me... hoping he'll try to contact me.

yea, i know. i'm pretty pathetic.

and i HATE that this is how i feel. and i hate that i can get so sad at times cuz it really does hurt my heart.

there's many moments i replay repeatedly in my head, wishing i could take back some things i know has effected the "us" him and i are today.

easy like sunday morning

dude from October is still always on my mind. (WOW!)

we practically see each other everyday and i just can't get enough of him. what's cool is, i still am my social self... going out to lunches and dinners with my girls and boyz... hanging out with friends and fam... having binge drinking nights (LOL!)... yup. i'm still doing it all. him and i just manage to squeeze in time to see each other without compromising our plans with everyone else. (bailing is also one of his biggest pet peeves.) yes, we may see each other ALOT, but we indeed also have our time apart.

warning... here comes some corniness.

he's awesome! spending time with him is a ball, no matter what we are doing. he can always make me laugh. i can't stop smiling when i'm around him and when i'm not around him, i'm still smiling cuz of him. there's enough seriousness about him and he's not overbearing or a tightass plus he knows how to brush things off without going on a rampage. he's not cheesy, but he does nice things for me...

you guys are probably thinking, ummm yea of course it's all dandy cuz we're in the honeymoon phase, but him and i have already had our 1st disagreement... and he handled it smoothly, making sure to squash it right away. weird, he already knows me better than any of my exes. to be honest, he knows me so well, it feels like we have known each other since we were little kids.

so if you're curious to know who this dude is, i suggest you go to the NYE party i invited you to. it's kinda his party, so we'll both be there. besides, it's a great deal!

(stupid) dating game!

BAH!

i'm spending too much time with a dude and it's time to cut back. don't get me wrong... we still get along famously and i LOVE spending time with him, but i really need to take it down a notch cuz i'm setting myself to get hurt.

and no one likes a broken heart.

random thoughts while single

Have you ever been forced into the friend zone when you wanted something more? What did you do? Did you distance yourself to get over him/her or did you remain friends because you hoped one day he/she would feel the same way about you? And then years after, you still feel the same way.

Is there anyone you have dated you regret breaking up with? But only realized years after that you regret not giving it one more try.

I've always wondered how long distance relationships last? There's so many people in between the distance. It's not that I don't trust myself. It's all those other people around me I don't necessarily trust.

Divorce is very common. Cheating is even more common. This is so sad.

I have an extremely short attention span - crushing on guys (almost) on a daily basis. Yet, I can still have feelings for years for a particular guy that was never mine.

I think I have gotten pickier with age. This sucks because if I couldn't find a man 5 years ago, what makes me think I'll find him anytime soon when I'm more picky than was 5 years ago?

Seriously, why does it feel like cheaters outweigh those who are genuinely committed?

Do you believe in love at first sight? I didn't, until I saw the man of my dreams in Loblaws last week. LOL!

heartbreaking dreams

In the past month, I've had a couple of unexpected guys on my mind. (NO NEITHER ONE OF THEM IS MrGuy.) And for the past week, I've been having my heartbroken by them in my dreams. The dreams seem so real. Sometimes, I even wake up crying.

I hope crisper16 can't hear my whimpering from across the hall. I talk and make noises often in my sleep.

The one guy that SHOULD BE on my mind (NO NOT MrGuy) hasn't made an appearance in my dreams lately and isn't on my mind as much as he should be.

Non-love can be so complicated.

overboard!

Wow, I'm must be boring you all with my blog because all I pretty much write about is Mr.Guy. I swear this is the last time, I will write about him.

All I have to say is, he's excessively trying to contact me. I'm (VERY) shocked in his behaviour.

Hmmmmm... I guess my sh!t, really IS that good! LOL!

he better come correct

Mr.Guy won't quit. Yesterday after numerous texts and phone calls, I caved and responded via text then after a few more texts, I finally called him.

To make a long story short, I verbally ended it over the phone and told him "no we can not even be friends." After we hung up, there was no mistaking that the Mr.Guy era has indeed ended.

So I thought...

Later on that night. He sent another text. Then another early this morning. Another in the afternoon... then a couple of phone calls and then an email.

I responded to his email and asked him (again) to respect my decision.

Let's just say I don't think he was paying attention to our conversation yesterday and from his continuous actions tonight, he didn't read my email properly.

they call me HELL!

Mr.Guy text me this morning apologizing and (finally) agreed with me about the sunglasses issue.

DUH! Where the heck has he been during this lifetime?

By the way, it took him 2 weeks to get in contact with me...

What is he thinking? That I sit around waiting for him to contact me? And this is how he ends the text "I hope you don't stay mad".

Dude, yes. I AM still mad.

In the past 2 weeks without him, I've reacquainted myself with people. I got picked up. Plus I hung out with one of those reacquainted friends. What's ironic is, we were outside on a patio and this guy I haven't seen for around a year took off his sunglasses to make eye contact then apologized prior to putting them back on because the sun was beaming directly in his eyes. I applaud him for being able to keep them off for half an hour.

In this circumstance, I WOULD expect someone to wear their sunglasses. We were hanging out on a patio on an extremely sunny day. Yet, this guy I barely knew took them off to be polite. Mr.Guy can learn a thing or two from my patio friend who is 9 years younger than him.

This confirms the sunglasses issue is NOT an age thing. It's common sense!

I'm not responding to his text. He can think I'm still mad because I am.

age ain't nothing but a number

What do you consider too young or too old for you?

If you asked me this question a few years ago, I would have considered 4 years younger as too young. But at my current age, I don't think 29 is too young for me.

How about 25? Now this age, I'm pretty certain IS too young for me... it doesn't matter if he's turning 26 this year. However, I think I can deal with a 27 year old. Hmmmmmm... me (32 years old turning 33 this year) with a younger man who is 27. (I'll call him a man to deflect the reality of being a cougar-in-training.)

Does that sound bad to you? A woman 6 years older than her man? 8 years older is too much, yes?

Now let's reverse it. Is 39 too old for an almost 33 year old woman? How about 40? I have never dated anyone significantly older than me. This is the first time I've given this issue much thought.

I don't know why, but the thought of dating a 40 year old creeps me out. But dating a 39 year old, not as much.

I guess that solves it. I'm open to the ages of 27 through 39. Any guy that falls outside of this age bracket, I'll consider on a case by case basis. Haha.