day 16. cravings.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
things i crave alot.


sushi.
Japanese cuisine is my favorite. i can eat sushi everyday!


alcohol and beer.
never thought i'd see the day i become a regular beer drinker.


my starbucks drinks.
toffeenut soy americano misto, caramel macchiato (above),
white mocha, toffee mocha.

chicken wings.
which i gave up this year as my new year's resolution.
so guess what i'll be eating on New Year's Day 2011?

french fries.

especially sweet potato fries, the newly discovered cassava fries (above)
and McDonald's french fries.

bubble tea
my preferred choice is peach or honey green tea
with almond jelly and mixed tapioca.


my taste buds have definitely changed this year. the days of chocolate as breakfast are now a faint memory... i often say no to ice cream... and cupcakes are no longer frequent on my mind. in the past few months when i reach for a snack, i reach for the savoury.

day 15. i'm different.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
what makes me different from everyone else.

hmmmmm... what makes me different...

i'm double jointed and can bend in many ways that seem impossible. this is very useful for more things than the one thing that's on your mind right now! LOL!

sleepless nights and no food rarely have an effect on me. i'll probably have more energy running on nothing compared to a person who has had a decent sleep and a content belly.

i can crack my elbows on demand, but when i do this - it looks like i'm aiming to punch the person next to me.

oh and i also can crack my knees on demand, but in order to do this, i have to kinda dislocate my knee at the time. (i know you think i'm a freak now... haha.)

i have perfect, straight teeth and have never worn braces. people have asked me if i wear dentures.

i'm infamous for taking naps in movie theatres. it's not really a waste of money because my movie theatre naps are some of best sleeps i have ever had.

i'm always smiling. this isn't necessarily a good thing. strangers automatically think i'm flirting with them or think it's an open invitation to just start talking to me about anything.

alright, that's all you're getting. i know you think i'm a weirdo now. hehe.

day 14. plans. dreams. goals.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
plans/dreams/goals i have.

PLANS

- start loosening Trevor's grip on me.
- book some kind of trip that requires me to travel by plane.
- focus on my own happiness.
- save more money.
- be as close to bulletproof as possible.

DREAMS

- homeowner status.
- travel more especially in Europe.
- minimal debt.

GOALS

- stay within OLG.
- learn to relax and not over think things.
- eat more veggies and fruit.
- decrease the junk food intake.
- get back to my workout regimen i had prior to my car accident.

day 13. switch.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
someone i would want to switch lives with for one day + why.

oh boy. this is a toughie. there's no one in particular i would switch with, but i guess i can describe the type of person i wouldn't mind switching with... someone who's experienced things i have never experienced... who has the things i don't have... so it would be a lady (yea, i don't want to be a guy) who has...

• a horseshoe up their ass (haha, basically a person who for some reason has everything fall into place for them with minimal effort.)
• fallen in love and has kept it (i know, cheesy but this is something i have never felt and at times i'm envious of happy couples. it would be great to know what that feeling is and to have something that secure.)
• a successful career with the bank account to show it (i'm not quite there. i recently had to restart my career path. it's going to be quite some time.)
• kick-ass body with perfect REAL boobs, toned but not manly toned abs with an ass you can bounce coins off but not call it a shelf
  
• hairless legs (LOL!)
• never had one zit in their life and never will.
• a non-Filipino nose (hehe.)
• a beautiful, pretty face with or without makeup and looks good with any hairstyle or any hair colour possible
• never had their heart broken and gets every guy she wants

fine, fine. i've gotten carried away with my list but there are people out there who has these things. it would be nice to have at least one...

day 12. snack time.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
a photo of something i ate today.

i have no idea who made these cookies, where they came from or what kind they are. what i do know is that they are pretty tasty. i actually won these cookies yesterday from a bridal shower game. it was part of my prize pack.

after munching on one of these, i discovered what's in them: chocolate chips, coconut, crushed almonds and marshmallows... mmmm... mmmm... mmmm... yummy goodness!

on to the next one!

the other night Leeshi and i reconnected with a couple of old skool boyz for dinner and drinks. it was fun and just like old times. they're still fricken hilarious... saying the most random things, announcing false embarrassing comments to complete strangers like the waitress. those boyz are such jokes. i love how it's possible to reconnect with old friends after a couple of years and have it pick up where you last left off like nothing has changed. that's when you know they're a friend for life.

a topic of conversion was relationships. me being recently single, Leeshi asked if they had any friends they can intro me to. so B proceeded to go through his fbook friends looking for single guys. most of the time he'd laugh when saying their names and K would join in. then they'd show us the profile pic... and Leeshi and I would understand why they were laughing. LOL!

what ended up happening is Leeshi would take a look at each photo before me and say "no". "no" as in "no, that's not Maureen's type". she said no each time.

how odd she thought she knew my type when i myself, didn't know my type? plus she had never met my last dude or even seen a photo. but it wasn't because she knew my type, it's because she just couldn't picture me with a Filipino...

and at that moment when she told me that, i realized she was right.

i don't know what my type is, but i'm pretty sure he's not Asian. WTF, i'm Asian! so why the hell wouldn't i be with one? back in high school i loved them off and as of a few years ago i was still attracted to them. but when i think about it, Asians are now back on the bottom of my list. i have a love-hate relationship with them, one day they're at the top of my list, the next at the bottom. and now back at the bottom, i think they'll stay.

and with that, i have figured out my type. my type is...

• not Asian
• not long distance

ha ha ha.

day 11. shuffling music.

today's prompt for my 30 days:
put my ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play.

1. Robin Thicke featuring Jay-Z, "Meiple"
2. En Vogue, "Don't Go"
3. Rihanna, "Rude Boy"
4. Madonna, "Music"
5. Julien-k, "Kick the Bass"
6. Jay-Z, "Allure B/W The Roc"
7. Duffy, "Stepping Stone"
8. Travie Mccoy, "Need You"
9. Usher, "Lil Freak"
10. Leona Lewis, "I Got You"

*phew* was a little scared that the day i would have to log my ipod shuffle playlist would be the day a bunch of crappy songs would play back-to-back. but i'd say the randomness above is alright. i have had better, but i have had definitely worse. to be honest, i just started using the shuffle feature on my ipod a month ago. normally, i play music according to my moods, but lately i allow my ipod to randomly set the mood of the start of each work day. funny how such a simple change can make a huge difference on how the day plays.

day 10. me & the fam.

today's prompt for my 30 days:
a picture of me and my family.

i'm not gonna lie... i'm a little tipsy right now as i write this post. haha. funny how i hurried home to make sure i wrote this post in time.

top row from left to right: tita (auntie) Phoy, my mom, moi, my cousin Kyara
bottom row from left to right: tita Baby, my cousin TJ, tito (uncle) Boyet

the above photo is one of very few i have with family and was taken almost a year ago. unfortunately, i don't have a photo with my dad and / or my brother and / or sister. i think the last time i took a photo with them was over a decade ago.

i'm the middle child. i have a brother who is the oldest and have a sister who is 10 years younger than me. they both have 1 child, but my brother is the only one married. my parents are happy to finally be grandparents, so that should keep them occupied until i have children (in 10 years or so. j/k... i guess, but we'll see).

i love my family, but i'm not the best at expressing it. i've never been much of a home body and til this day, i'm still the same... floating around, staying away from home, trying to be somewhere to keep me away from being home alone. (i live on my own and at times the quiet does get to me, more often than it should.)

everyone in my family who's older seems to be going deaf so when i speak to them it sounds like i'm yelling, but really it's the only way they actually hear me! (haha typical asian family.)

but really, i do love them all and they treat me as though i'm the greatest! they're all pretty fricken awesome!!!

day 9. music.

day 9. today's prompt for my 30 days is:
a song for every mood.

happy.

• Ace of Base, "The Sign"
• Soul Decision, "Faded"
• Musiq Soulchild, "Just Friends"
• Michael Jackson, "Off the Wall"
• 112, "Dance with Me"

sad.

• Red Hot Chilli Peppers, "Under the Bridge"
• Sound Garden, "Black Hole Sun"
• Brian McKnight, "One Last Cry"
• Expose, "I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me"
• Alicia Keys, "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart"

confused.

• Destiny's Child, "Bad Habit"
• Jordin Sparks, "Next to You"
• Tamia, "Almost"
  
• Neon Trees, "Animal"
• The Black Keys, "Tighten Up"

pissed.

• Maroon 5, "Harder to Breathe"
• Kanye West, "Runaway"
• Cee Lo Green, "F*ck You"
• Paula Abdul, "Cold Hearted Snake"
  

sexy.

• Ne-yo, "Sexy Love"
• Kelis, "Milkshake"
• Notorious BIG, "One More Chance (remix)"
• Usher featuring Beyonce, "Love in this Club Part II"

day 8. monthly goals.

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day 7. biggest impact on me.

day 7 of my 30 days | today's prompt is:

a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on me.

all i have to say is...

without music my world would be empty.

and with that, i leave you with a photo of some of the songs on my iphone4. LoL!

(i thought this post would be easy peezy, but it took me a really long time to figure out who or what has the most impact on me. the only thing i'm certain is no matter how i feel, good or bad, i will always need music.)

day 6. my purse contents.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
what's in my bag?

my iphone4 & headset/earphones | a ball-sac aka an environmental bag which rolls up into a ball | a pack of ciggys (booooooo!) & lighter | Coach card/coin wallet that i've been using as a full size wallet | Excel spearmint mints & Excel polar ice gum - cuz fresh breath is important | my work pass | compact mirror with a hidden brush | hair tie & hair clips | cheap-ass sunglasses | blotting paper | True Religion mini perfume | Bath & Body coconut lime lotion that is almost done | Bath & Body warm vanilla sugar hand foam | Sephora brown eye liner with smudger | strawberry SoftLips lip balm to keep my lips soft | MAC concealer | travel size Sephora black mascara | caramel latte Lipicious tasty lip color to keep my lips yummy | and Kiehl's cuticle treatment - Kiehl's effing rocks!

where's the payback?

i'm probably going to get allot of flack for this post, but TOO BAD! this is my blog and i can blog on whatever i want to.

if you have ever watched "Sex and the City", this is my Carrie Bradshaw moment...

i'm starting to think it's about time i receive a ROI (return on investment) for the many, many MANY years i've been spending money on everyone else. to be more specific, i've created a list of those items i feel i don't receive any return on:

• weddings
• and any related wedding things ie. engagement parties, jack n jills, bridal showers, stagettes, etc.
• baby showers
• my friends' kids birthdays
• and any other events celebrating the milestones of my friends' lives

i probably sound very bitter to you right now and if that's your thought then you don't really understand what i'm complaining about. when i think about it, i've probably spent approximately $10,000 (at least and this amount is only going to get larger) on the above list - celebrating all my friends' happiness. don't get me wrong, i'm very happy for all my friends. that's why i partake in these celebrations and probably have fun celebrating especially the stagettes. but the reason why i'm invited to the above is to celebrate SOMEONE else or an extension of someone else and that someone else is not me.

let's be honest, all signs are pointing to me not getting married anytime soon and a baby isn't going to soon be in my cards either... and you know what this means? this means all of the funds i have spent on everyone else is not returned because my friends won't be spending money on me for any of the above listed items.

with that being said, maybe i should have a party - celebrating ME and my relationship status... i can mail out invitations, have a registry and a money box too! or maybe just have a smaller scale party equivalent to a bridal or baby shower. i can still send out invites and have a registry for that. the party can be known as a "singleness shower". on the registry would be items specifically for being single like clothes, shoes, purses, accessories but i'd choose moderate price point items for my registry because bridal and baby showers have fairly moderate ticket items on those registries as well (hey, it's only fair!). i'll even mail out thank you cards after my event. basically, i'd follow the same protocol as celebrating getting married or having a baby.

what do you think of my idea? do you think it would fly with my friends? or would you be insulted?

day 5. my superhero.

day 5. today's prompt of my 30 days is:
favorite superhero + why they are my favorite

my superhero is...
mysterious.
sexy.
hot-headed and tough but has a good heart.

he's also on a constant quest to find meaning in his life and to find answers of his past.
he can get hurt, but can heal from those wounds.

and damn! he's just simply HOT! LOL!

he's Wolverine (also known as Logan).

he is my favorite superhero because he possesses the attributes i look for in a guy and that's why i like him. hahaha... nah, that's not really why.

Wolverine is my superhero because i can relate to him.

i too am still searching to find meaning in my life and understand why my life is where it is. plus Wolverine has the super power i want the most, which is having the ability to heal from wounds. but for me, not only would i like to heal physically. i would also want to have the super power of healing quickly from emotional scars.

day 4. my childhood.

today's prompt of my 30 days is:

a picture of me as a kid + 7 facts about my childhood.


(sorry, only have a baby photo of me. all my kiddie photos are at my parents house)

one | i was one of those typical girls that danced ballet, tap and jazz. i missed school for competitions in Ontario.

two | i never owned a barbie doll. I preferred to play with transformers.

three | when i was in grade 1, i lied about having a dog. i even showed classmates my Godmother's photo of her dog and claimed that he was mine.

four | i discovered boys at senior kindergarten and used to kiss the faces of the boys i was crushing over on my actual class photo. LOL!

five | i was envious of my friends next door whenever they had mac n cheese and begged my mom to make it for dinner. when she finally made it, i HATED it!

six | i used to pronounce "Burger King" as "Berber King" and never thought i pronounced it wrong even when kids would correct me. i finally started calling it "Burger King" a decade or so after.

seven | my favorite lunch sandwiches were crispy bacon with mayo on non-toasted white bread, hot dog with ketchup in toasted (soggy by lunchtime) white bread and nutella sandwiches. however, my aunt (she lived with us) would never make me nutella sandwiches. therefore, i would trade my snacks with kids who had nutella sandwiches.

day 3. a habit.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
a habit i wish i didn't have.

i'm ashamed to say, i'm smoking again, but "smoking" isn't the actual "habit" i wish i didn't have. the habit i wish i didn't have is my habit to rely on smoking to make me feel better.

unfortunately, when i'm really down (depressed) or extremely stressed, i don't turn to friends. i turn to smoking.

(btw, i've named "smoking", "Trevor" for the purpose of this post.)

i know my friends are always here for me, but Trevor will ALWAYS be here for me. i can call on Trevor at any minute of the day and not feel like i'm bothering him especially at those times when the world is sleeping and i'm the only one awake. Trevor never asks me questions, never puts me on the spot, no matter how curious he is and he just let's me be. Trevor calms my nerves by just being around. Trevor doesn't mind if i ignore him one day and understands the next day i may need him almost every second. Trevor can always be replaced and he won't mind.

i don't hate Trevor particularly. i hate that i rely on Trevor to get through my day and that's my actual habit i wish i didn't have. i've gone through this before. i know when i'm truly ready, i'll leave him.

day 2 . my favorite season.

day 2 of my 30 days...

today's prompt:
my favorite season + why it's my favorite.

i crave the heat. i love the sun. i like it HOTT!

give me SUMMER!!!

Why? it's because...

the days are longer.
the nights are warm.
jackets are useless all day and all night.
downtown walks can be long.
people watching becomes more interesting.
the city never sleeps.
people are happier and friendlier.
people are out and about.
there's always something to do.
i can read outside.
i can chill on a patio.
an ice cold beer is more satisfying.
ice cream is more fun to eat.

plus...
i get to celebrate my birthday!

day 1. my 30 days.

tada! welcome to day 1 of my 30 days blogging challenge...

recent photo of myself + the meaning of my blog

back in the day i used to blog on live journal, but i don't count that as a real blog. back then, all my entries were cryptic and that defeats the true purpose of a blog.

"a little rough around the edges" is a total opposite direction of that live journal. here, i'm stripped bare and try to reveal all. if you personally know me, you know i'm an individual who does not like to express my feelings in fear of embarrassment and judgement... chances are you will never here me "speak" these feelings i type here. so if you genuinely are interested in learning about me and understand what i hide from the world, most likely you'll be able to read it here...

(on a side note: happy birthday mom! i love you much!)

my 30 days! and so it begins...

i just recently arrived home from btea with Leeshi who's an avid blogger. i envy her and how she's so dedicated to expressing herself through various channels. often there is so much i'd like to write and say, but don't have the courage to do it.

Leeshi told me about the 30 day blogging challenge. hopefully, this will help keep me open and teach me a thing or 2 about myself. i also hope it gives you a better understanding of the person i am today. tomorrow marks day 1 of my 30 days. it's a random day which is appropriate since i'm all about random lately. coincidentally, my day 1 happens to also be my mom's birthday! :)

wish me luck!

fell on black days

some days are better than others. you would think that i have never gone through a break up before or maybe it just hurts more because i'm in my mid-30s and my life hasn't changed much from 10 years ago... or maybe it's simply because i really liked him.

and it sucks that i still feel for him... and that i still think of him daily... curious to know what he's up to... wishing he still thinks of me... hoping he'll try to contact me.

yea, i know. i'm pretty pathetic.

and i HATE that this is how i feel. and i hate that i can get so sad at times cuz it really does hurt my heart.

there's many moments i replay repeatedly in my head, wishing i could take back some things i know has effected the "us" him and i are today.