twas a SHOCKING Christmas...

my gaydar must be broken or maybe it's "off" or maybe i don't have gaydar, but i swear i used to and it was pretty good. so i thought.

i'm guessing by now, you have put 2 and 2 together of why i'm mentioning gaydar in a Christmas post... yup! i discovered one of my closest family members is gay. 

and damn. 

i had no idea. 

i had no clue. 

not that i have a problem with this. i just didn't see any leading indicators. i didn't see any plausible signs.

my younger cousin, who's also my godson, who had many girls eyeing and chasing him (and probably still does), the cousin who my good friend thinks is hot and crushed on, the one who i practically raised myself... that cousin is gay.

Christmas Eve was spent at his house sans the parents. it was just us kids. he lives with his bf. who i thought was his room mate. i too at his age (22 years old) moved out and lived with a room mate who was the same sex. so how would i know this was a sign?

i was forewarned earlier in the day which i mistaken as a joke. i was at a shopping mall with his little sister. this is how the conversation went down...

me: "does M have a girlfriend?"

K: "are you joking, Ate (pronounced at-tay)?" as she looked at me with a WTF look.

me: "huh? what are you talking about?"

K: "you're kidding, right Ate? you don't know?"

me: "know what?"

K: "but everyone knows, including mommy T... "

me: "huh? know what?" then gave it some thought... why would K think asking about M having a gf be odd?  "um is M gay?" now i have a matching WTF look.

K: "he lives with a guy... they have a dog together..."

me: "yea so? i lived with a girl for over 4 years downtown at his age. that doesn't mean i'm gay."

K: still glaring at me with a WTF look.

me: "you're joking, right?"

K: "yes Ate. i am."

at this point, i believed her sarcasm and said, "so does M have a girlfriend?"

this time K just responded with no words and just gave me a WTF look.

and that was that. the thought of M actually being gay didn't cross my mind again until we went to his house later that night. this is when i recalled the conversation with K and understood the tour of his new home would reveal the truth...

and then we received the tour of their 2 bedroom house appartment. which by the way is a very nice place. and there it was, staring at me straight in the face. him and J share the big bedroom, the 2nd bedroom is considered the guest bedroom.

yup, my cousin is gay.

not that i don't have a problem with it. i'm just shocked beyond disbelief.

(via)

haters gonna hate

(via)

i am not a good person. yesterday i officially concluded this and i have no interest in being a good person again. this is because there's a huge-ass, heavy chip on my shoulder and now i genuinely feel things are owed to me! who the eff publicly says (writes) such a thing? basically not a good person. and that's me!

i have my hate on and it's on STRONG! sure, i'm still always smiling and i'm polite, but if you only knew what i was really thinking... you'd definitely not like me. and you know what? i don't care! around 6 years ago, i made a conscious decision to be a better person, but it has gotten me no where! so why the f*ck should i even be a good person?

here is what's been running through my mind lately...

• it was my ex's birthday the other day and i was really hoping it was not "happy" for him at all!

• i found a ring the other night. i've established it is 14K white gold, but not sure what stones are in it. this ring is definitely worth a pretty penny and sparkles like diamonds... and i have no intention of returning it to the resto-lounge i found it at. how can i be so sure the place will actually return the ring to it's rightful owner? besides, no one has ever returned something valuable i have ever lost.

• we had a wonderful 3 birthday celebration dinner with 12 of my closest friends last night. and to be honest, it really wasn't great to see everyone. (sorry ladies, i know some of you read my blog...) sure i was happy to see everyone is doing well, but i really don't have anything to contribute to their conversations. i have nothing to add when talking about giving birth, taking care of children, trying to get pregnant, breast feeding, in-laws drama, husband/boyfriend woes, blah blah blah blah. you get the point. the reason why i was quiet during dinner is because i can't relate to these topics and i'd rather not hear about that stuff because it has nothing to do with me. do we really need to speak about the above topics 95% of the time we spend together? if this is the case then my presence is not needed.

• i f*ckin hate the fact that one of my closest friends hangs out with my ex because her hubby works with him. i found out they were with him the other night and this little effin-not-a-big-deal tidbit bothered me all night and is still bothering me right now! how do you get over an ex knowing good friends of yours will probably know the ongoing updates of his life? how can i avoid not wondering if they have met the new girl he's seeing or actually become friends with her? they're suppose to be MY FRIENDS FIRST!

see what i'm sayin? i am NOT a nice person! i've been going no where real fast and frankly, i'm very tired of it!

fill in the blank friday

 it's time to play fill in the blank friday! right here you can join in on Lauren's fun.

1.   I wish   to be in love in the near future and actually have that love stay with me for a lifetime. cheesy i know... and such a statement would not normally be verbalized by me... but it's the truth.

2.  Yesterday I   spoke to a friend who now lives in Australia. our conversation was refreshing and inspiring. his simple words made me believe again. i forgot how that felt.

3.  Today I will   fill in these blanks and just chill in bed until i fall asleep. i recently arrived home from dinner and drinks with past colleagues. 

4.  Tomorrow I will    go to a kid's birthday party at a skating rink and McDonalds. i love kids bday parties at McDees. it was one of my favorite bday celebrations when i was a child. at night, i'll be going to a Christmas house party.

5.  Maybe   i won't have a sip of alcohol tomorrow, but that is very unlikely. LOL!

6.  Someday   i will visit southern Europe and it would be a bonus if it's with the dude i want to spend the rest of my life with.

7.  I love    the sun, it's warmth and the light it radiates. it's probably the most consistent thing that can put a smile on my face.

What are your weekend plans? Enjoy! 

dating shenanigans

(via)

before i get on with this post, i should clarify what dating means to me.

dating to me means...
hanging out with someone to learn more about them with the intention of the possibility something more than friendship may come out of it. there is no commitment to each other in dating and you're free to date as many people as you like.

so now that we have cleared that up, i'll begin...

i don't like the dating game. first of all, i'm not a dater and never have been. but being at the tender age of thirty-something-something... friends having their 4th child... and 98% of my girls being married or in a committed relationship, i feel the need to PUT MYSELF OUT THERE! i know my friends are starting to feel for me too. so now, there's true efforts in introducing me to new guys, setting up blind dates, keeping me in mind when meeting single dudes and advertising to friends that "yup, Maureen is still available!"

so here's an overview of my dating life. by the way, i nick named all of the guys...

• Movember guy: a little over a week ago, i went on a blind double date with my friend, her hubby and her co-worker. i have never met, spoken or had any type of communication her co-worker prior to this and originally she wanted him and i to meet up on our own. luckily i convinced her to join because i don't think i would have lasted if it was just the 2 of us. he emailed me yesterday asking to meet up again. and oh how badly i wanted to ignore the email, but out of respect for my friend, i told her i was not interested. so she suggested i just tell him i was too busy because of the holidays. now why didn't i think of that?

• can't-recall-what-he-looks-like guy: this is the guy who takes too long to respond to my texts. my last text to him sums up to "i'm much too busy to make any time for you." i'm sure he got this loud and clear!

• recycled guy: over a month ago, i hung out with this guy who i went on a few dates with years ago. (date details can be found here). he's still texting me regularly and i've been too busy to go out with him again. let's be honest here, i also dated his brother so it would never work out between us. currently, i'm figuring out how to politely get him off my back.

• mildly-crushing-on guy: he's the most recent addition - been kinda crushing on him for maybe 2 months now. i had a dream about him this past Friday so the next day, i put myself out there and invited him via fbook to hang out. i know, i know, very impersonal, but the only other forms of contact i have had with him are his work email and work cell and i did not want to go that route. we ended up meeting to watch the Leafs game over food and beer. i had a blast and time flew by. we spent 5.5 hours together and not once was there a second i was bored. now here's the kicker... he's damn YOUNG! i'm not exaggerating - he's only 26! (there's another kicker, but i'm choosing to plead the fifth on that one.) also, i have other reservations besides his age. surprisingly, we've been texting each other daily since Saturday. guess we'll see... besides, him and i have only hung out on our own that one time... meh, whatever.

alright, that's all the dating deets you're getting from me today. there's more i'd like to say, but this post would be hella long... you'll just have to stay tuned for future posts.

oh and please feel free to intro me to other guys, set me up and big me up to your friends! just to clarify, i am not desperate. simply, i have fallen too far behind in this aspect of my life and am trying to use all my resources. LOL!

i'm not gonna lie...

i'm not gonna lie, there's a phrase i say repeatedly and even more so when drunk. if you know me personally i say it much too often. on the advice of my real life friend and blog friend Leesh, i've decided to create my own blog series called (yup, that's right!) "i'm not gonna lie..."

so with that, i bring you the 1st edition of (tada!)

 i'm not gonna lie...

i'm not gonna lie, i still haven't folded my clean laundry from last week! now tell me who you think is the laziest of them all?!
 

i'm absolutely in love with my iPhone 4. i'm not gonna lie, i tell people it's the love of my life. it actually sleeps on the pillow next to me.

i'm not gonna lie, my snuggie confuses me. each time i try to wear it, i have to pause and think about how to put it on. i guess it doesn't help that you can fit another 2 of me in it. if you ever find kid size snuggies, please let me know!

there's a huge possibility my coworkers and friends think i'm an alcoholic. apparently, i only tweet and fbook about alcohol (and food)... i'm not gonna lie, today is my 1st day sans alcohol after 6 consecutive days of drinking beer. the main reason i'm beer-free today is because i'm scared to gain a beer belly. i wish drinking beer would cause a different body party to grow... how awesome would it be if we gained "beer titties" from beer binging?!?!

i'm not gonna lie, i was a little annoyed with my blind date this past Sunday. who agree's to meet someone for the 1st time with their "Movember" mustache? plus i like my conversations two-way. i'm not gonna lie, first impressions make an impression on me.

i'm not gonna lie, i'm also annoyed with my almost blind date i was suppose to have tomorrow. he takes too long to return text messages and it's taking too long for us to make actual plans. that's it, i'm cutting him off! i'm much too busy to deal with this nonsense. apparently, he used to be hot in high school, but i don't remember thinking he was hot anyway when i met him in the summer. haha.

i'm not gonna lie, i procrastinate when responding to the almost blind date's text messages.

i'm not gonna lie, i don't really want to date right now.

i'm not gonna lie, i'm gonna be a scrooge again this year. but if someone has a Festivus celebration, i'm all for it!

how to deal?... with a nagger

DAMN IT! i should have known when i scraped the frost off my car this morning with my cheap-ass dollar store glove (because i couldn't find my car snow brush - i swear someone stole it) that it was a sign it wasn't going to be a good day! i owned 1 of those transformers brushes that expands with a pull of the handle... so who wouldn't want to steal it?? it's pretty fricken awesome!

i had a bad case of the Mundays today! BIG TIME!

the weekend, was good but i guess the nagging of my aunt finally sunk in today and boy, it did not feel good...

i saw her for the most part - a total of 10 minutes over the weekend, but she gave me a year's worth of nagging! i remind myself everyday I'M OLD and lack many things in life so there's no need for me to hear it from family members as well! i guess the novelty of my niece has worn off and now my family is back to focusing on me. if i ever move to a city where i don't know a soul, you can blame it on my family! i love them dearly, but i don't know how much more i can handle hearing them complain of my short comings.

(via)

so my question to you is, how do you deal with naggers and tune them out? how do they not drive you insane???

i know, you know how i dealt with it... i ended my day with a couple of pints of beer!

fill in the blank friday - shopping!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING WEEKEND to you Americanos! hope it's pretty fricken awesome... somewhere out there, at this very moment, you might be Black Friday gallivanting... hope you score BIG with many out-of-this-world bargains!

it's friday (finally) and i'm filling in the blanks today! you can participate too - right here and don't forget to link your fill-in-the-blank-friday post to Lauren's blog!

1.   Black Friday is  CRAZY! crazy deals for crazy people into crazy shopping!

2.  Christmas shopping this year will include  (hopefully) not much... throughout the year i've been shopping here and there for Christmas gifts (kinda - don't want to go into detail). unfortunately, this year i hope to not spend too much money at this time because i really need to finally grow up and save. so this year's gifts will be tidbits and randoms plus i'm adding some chocolate i've reshaped myself with my dandy chocolate magic machine.

3.  Holiday shopping makes me  feel good when i find that perfect gift for a loved one. however, i must say the busy parking lots are such a turn off! sometimes i turn back home if i can't find a parking spot in 15 minutes.

4.  This year my Christmas list will include   not much. if i don't receive anything this year, that's fine. there's only one thing i really want and i can't have it :(

5.  Bargain hunter, or full price shopper?   i'm all about the bargains! why pay full price when it will be on sale in a month's time?!

6.  The best and worst things about shopping is   random shopping for my friends and family - i love getting little things for people for the sole reason that it reminds me of them. the worst thing of shopping is when the mall is too pack, the parking lots are rammed and there's no room to walk in the mall without physically bumping into people!

7.  Online shopper or in-person shopper?  in person. i'm all about the physical attraction of shopping. i need to touch before i buy!

TGIF! HAVE A FANTABULOUS WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!

 

hump day ramblings

• nope, i'm not folding my laundry tonight. i'm not in the mood. unless "lazy" is considered a mood therefore i'm not doing it!

• btw, i rarely fold my clothes right after i finish doing laundry...

• i'm not a fan of people not leaving me voice messages. if you're someone that rarely calls me and i can't/don't pick up, please leave me a message. if not, the likeliness of me returning your calls are slim. especially if i don't have your number programmed in my phone and have no idea who is calling!

• the last person who called and didn't leave me a vm was probably some guy i gave my number to when i was drunk.

• i looked through my iphone contact list recently and found a couple of guys i don't know in there... probably guys that gave me their number when i was drunk. haha.

• i bailed on my plans tonight cuz i didn't care to hang out with that boy/past love, but then ended up with no plans at all.

• there's a colleague of mine that creeps me out and annoys me. i swear he sometimes just sits there and stares at me. his cubicle is beside mine.

• there's another colleague that sometimes says the dorkiest/stalkerish things in our conversations. normally that would creep me out, but he always looks so dorky saying it so all i can do is just laugh... out loud.

• for weeks i've been craving a McDees cheeseburger and fries. i have yet to satisfy this craving. this craving haunts me during sleepless nights and may actually be one of the reasons why i can't fall asleep.

• i think i might have 2 dates next week. 1 blind. the other one almost blind - met him back in July and can't really remember what he looks like.

• i really want that McDees cheeseburger and fries.

questions, opinions + a giveaway!

questions i have recently been asked...

question #1 

"if you met 16 year old Maureen, what would she think about your life so far?" 

i have never been asked this question, but i already knew the answer. without going into too much detail, the answer that first comes to mind is disappointed. my reasons can be found right here.

question #2

"do you find it's harder to find someone to settle down with now than it was years ago?"

DUH YEA! hence why i'm with no one now! it was already hard back then and it's even harder now...

here's why:

•  i'm more certain of what i don't want.
• at my age, none of my friends really go out anymore. they're all married with children. so my social options are either hang out at a friend's place or hang out at my place by myself. doubt i'll meet any new, interesting guys at either options.
• everyone is already taken. unless i decide to commit to someone much younger than me and that's what my last relationship was. ummmm yaaaaa, that didn't really work out, now did it? haha.

* * * * * *

opinions made about Filipinos by non-Filipinos lately...

opinion #1

"Filipino guys are all assholes!"

this is according to a 24 year old girl. poor girl, maybe it's just in her generation... because Filipino guys in my generation are sweethearts and Filipino guys in my cousin's generation (younger than her) are such gentleman...

opinion #2

"i find Filipinos the most patient out of all people"

 in public, yes. in private is a different story. LOL!

opinion #3

"all Filipino babies are cute!"

 i agree! :)

* * * * * *

now, i want to hear from you!

if you met your 16 year old self, what would he or she think about your life so far?

have you made any stereotypes about Filipinos? hehe.

* * * * * *

GIVEAWAY ALERT!

want some cool stuff sent to you? by the way i'm not conducting this giveaway (sorry for being a tease), but my blog friend and friend in real life - Kat is. 

giveaway items:

- Cheeky Monkey nail polish - colour: Fishnet Stockings which is a beautiful deep plum

- Lancome lipstick - colour: OhMy which is a shimmery brown/copper color

- white cotton v-neck tank top

- samples of Darphin’s Line Response Nourishing Cream

- sample of Dr. Brandt micro dermabrasion cream

- Shiseido Benefiance Eye Treatment Mask

- Maybelline eye shadow in Emerald   

want to get in on this giveaway? find out how to enter right here. good luck! 

 

tidbits & randoms

oh boy, looks like i'm sick. don't think it's full blown yet. just a burning sore throat and little cough. no fever. but i don't want it to get worse than this. so it looks like i'll be cooped up at home all weekend and this is something i don't know how to do... no UFC watching at Pam's, no Hot Stepper 15th anniversary party featuring Caron Wheeler from Soul II Soul, no visiting cutie little baby boy Kai, Jenn and Jay. NO WEEKEND NOTHING. it's just me, myself and i.

i'm already going stir crazy. thinking, hmmmmmm... maybe it is possible to go out tonight? but i know i shouldn't. i think i wouldn't feel this way if i actually lived with someone. living by yourself can get really lonely.

in boredom comes too much thinking and many randoms and with that comes this blog post. here's some of my tid bits and randoms...

"People say that bad memories cause the most pain, but it's the good ones that actually drive you insane."

- this saying is exactly why it's taking me forever to get over the last ex. even the tiniest things remind me of him. how do i get over him if even the smallest of things make me think of our good times together?

"you will have your heart broken more than once and it's harder everytime."

- are you effing kidding me? the next time is going to hurt more than this? f*ck me!

- (fyi, stole this saying from one of Reni's blog post. which can be found here.)

currently repeated on youtube (i'd listen to these songs on itunes or my iphone, but i don't have them):

"only girl (in the world)" by Rihanna

"runaway" by Kanye West featuring Pusha T

"teenage dream" by Katy Perry

"rocketeer" by Far East Movement featuring Ryan Tedder
 

"what's my name" by Rihanna featuring Drake
 

"sooner or later" by N.E.R.D.

so i made plans for Wednesday to hang with a past love of my life... do you think this is crazy??? him and i were never really together for 3 years and i believe it took me 4 years to get over him. but i swear i wouldn't make plans with him if i wasn't over him. and I SWEAR I AM! i don't think of him and when he contacts me, i don't care and i forget to call or text him back. to be honest, i'm thinking of bailing on him.

"i'll let karma take care of you for me."

LOL! i so can't wait for this day. oh and i know it will come...

i was right! i don't know how to stay home. spoke to Pam recently... looks like i'm going to her place tonight to get some vitamins and watch UFC then head over to the Hot Stepper party with her hubby and friends. besides, i don't think i'm really that sick... i think... 

i have all of tomorrow to recuperate if need to anyway. HA!

LV snapshots

yes i know, it's about time i post about Vegas... but to be honest, ever since i've been back, i've been enjoying being pretty lazy. i've been sleeping a little better, been more relaxed at work, just been chilling, taking things day-by-day. i guess leaving the city and taking a break from real life really does help!

here's my Vegas recap...

here i am with my travel buddy, Jeff

this was our home for the week

here's the view from our window

and another view

enjoyed SEMA where we saw sexy cars

like this one...

this one...

and this one...

even found one with my name all over it!

did the touristy thing...

gallivanted all over

and did some sightseeing

pretended to shop at high-end stores

like this one

but really shopped in here

and shopped at this outlet mall

enjoyed the night life

partied it up with some of my boys

 

(yes, the scandalous top made an appearance)

met up with some non-tdotters

checked out the Food & Wine Event with Joe

enjoyed the BEST food and drank as much as i can

observed drunk Joe try to change a flat tire on his rental

even checked out the crazy Pacman display in the Nike store
before retruning back to Toronto

 

 

 

Vegas was fun and exactly what i needed. the highlight of my trip would be the Food and Wine All-Star Weekend hosted by Gail Simmons and featured top Chefs. here is why...

• on the way to the reception Joe and i found dollar bills on the ground. 
• the food was fantastic, amazing and phenomenal! the 1st bite alone was worth every penny. 
• we discovered the best drink EVER, a vodka-lime-cucumber-dill concoction. 
• we both won $300 EACH with the $100 comp gaming chip that came with our ticket.
• the ticket was only $125. therefore our tickets were free and we were paid to attend this fantastic event!

the 2nd highlight of my trip was discovering tokyo teas! too bad this cocktail is not available in Canada. actually, it's probably for the better... tokyo teas are dangerous!

CHEERS TO VEGAS!

i wish it wasn't so...

do you ever find a song that knows exactly what you're going through at that moment?

I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got 

Vegas teaser...

here's a little preview of what my week in Vegas was like...

as you can see, i'm still standing. my friend Jeff, wasn't so lucky. 

i came to his need while the rest of Vegas pulled out their cams 

to point, shoot and record. LoL!
(but then again, i too was laughing my head off at this very moment.)

more Vegas trip deets to come... soon...

date with a really LARGE ONE!

it's mid-way through the week and do you know what that means? it means hell week is almost done and my huge-ass work promo is launching in a few days. OH MY! OH YES!

but, i still have to survive the rest of the week! LOL!

based on popular demand by my tweeps, last night (after yet another long work day) i went on a date. what i really wanted to do was watch the BOS vs MIA ball game with Mike, but my teeeple spoke and recommended i combine the two by suggesting to my date to watch the game.

he was so in, but i was right - ball isn't his sport. he's all about hockey... but he was still in. plus he received bonus points for suggesting the Real Sports Bar & Grill, a bar located beside the ACC i've been dying to try since it opened a few months ago. with that, he turned my dread of hanging out with him into excitement... not excitement to see him, but excitement to see the Real Sports Bar! Ha ha!

he's kind of recycled. i've been on a few dates with him YEARS ago AND I ALSO have been on some dates with his brother. of course not simultaneously - if that makes the situation any better. hehe. i tell ya, slim pickings back then and even slimmer pickings now hence why i'm recycling. ha!

i had a good time, but you know what? it doesn't matter who or what i'm with, i always have a good time. i can have good time with a wall and a door for god's sake... 

years ago i thought he was pretty attractive, but after last night, i've concluded...

• i'm not as attracted to him as i was 5 years ago (or was it 7?). it was like hanging out with one of my boys.
• i think his brother is hotter even though he's smarter.
• if i were to go on a date with his brother, i'd probably not be attracted to him as well.
• they both have the same type of voice. the type of voice that kind of annoys me. they're both lucky they're good looking.
• nothing panned out with this dude for a reason and i doubt anything will ever pan out.

it's all good though. i'm glad i went... i was able to watch the b-ball game and leafs game, drink beer, eat some good food, have good company and experience all that in an atmosphere that was fun, hype and pretty unbelievable. i say unbelievable because being in the Real Sports Bar made me feel like a child in a candy store. it's a playground for adults in there! i felt like i was in Vegas! YES VEGAS! perfect timing considering i'm taking off to Sin City in a week! 

Check, check, CHECK THIS OUT! it's a 79 footer television surrounded by tons of other TVs!

plus this place has tables with their own televisions! if you ever go here, try to get a table on the 2nd level. being eye level with this 79' TV is effing AMAZING! AMAZING i say! (had to say it twice because that's how amazing this place is!)

1st hell then sin.

F*CK ME!

this week is going to be a week from HELL! though i can't wait for it to be over, i really need this week to drag so i can get all my work done...

• i have a multi-million promotion launching in a week's time at 22 locations across Ontario.
• pre-promotion events launching this Friday at 3 locations.
• another pre-promotion event launching this Saturday.
• and a baby shower i've co-organized this Saturday. 
• plus i have to train staff this Wednesday night.
• also go on site this Saturday morning.
• the above doesn't even include my 7am - 7:30pm work days and all the work i need to complete to make sure EVERYTHING goes smoothly...

 F*CK ME AGAIN! grrrrr...  urgh... argh... bleh... meh...!

 

what a sad, sad, sad list the above is... and what does a sad list call on?? it calls on a HAPPY LIST!

and this is what my HAPPY is after hell week is done...

VEGAS BABY! VEGAS!!!

(via)
 
 ... SinCity trumps hell! i'll be sinning soon! hehe.