hate love - ramblings from the heart

(via)

this past Saturday was a pretty big day for me personally. i deleted the last of my exes' phone numbers off my mobile. the one i hate (26er) and the one i still love (the dude).

i'm not lying. i HATE 26er. how can i be such a bad judge of character?! after Saturday, i have realized he is truly delusional and not a good person. sorry, but i won't be revealing any details of what recently went down because it gets me furious and upset. just know i regret every minute i have spent with him and every minute i am forced to. i don't think i've ever hated an ex before. dislike yes. HATE no.

now why the eff do i still love the dude??! not cool, heart! not cool at all!

i'm so hating my job that i love! how is upper management working on an 18 month calendar?? hmmmm... oh wait a second, that's right, there's only 12 months in a year! idiots! they're currently running our promotions as though it's a pig pen. WHAT THE F*CK GUYS, get your effing act together quick! time is of the essence and we simply don't have time!

the other night, some random stranger on fbook messaged me to tell me i'm cute. his relationship status on fbook is "married". are you effing kidding me??! i hate guys like that! BOOOOOOOOOO!

i love Vancouver and my many friends who reside in the beautiful city. in support of my second home, i'm a Canucks fan but seriously Canucks, what the eff was up with game #3??! i hate how you let the Bruins molest you!

i love my friends, but hate how every day is a day closer to what brings us further apart. i'm slowly realizing we no longer have much in common and we won't be gaining common ground any time soon...

"i'm not gonna lie" for March

BOOOOOO! i've been missing in (blog) action. MY BAD. i have yet to figure out how to balance a new relationship with all my social networking activities. 26er still doesn't understanding why i'm always on my iPhone4 while he's around. silly boy! it's cuz my iPhone4 is the love of my life! LOL!

here's my 1st blog post after an unwanted blog break:

my "i'm not gonna lie" for March...

i'm not gonna lie, i'm annoyed at myself for not keeping up with my blog and the blogs i follow. i want to do it! but i've been sucking lately with my leisure time management skills. if you have any tips on how to manage this, please let me know!

last week, 26er pointed out our 2 month anniversary... wow, really? never in my life in any relationship have i ever made note of a 2 month mark. i'm not gonna lie, i'm waiting for him to get sick of me so he won't want to see me everyday. damn it 26er! hurry up and get annoyed with me. LOL!

i'm not gonna lie, i still want to be with 26er, but i don't want to see him EVERYDAY! he's annoyed me frequently this past month, but i finally braved up and confronted him about it. now let's see if he's mature enough to work on it.

shame on me! i'm dating a 26-year-old! what do i really expect from a guy who is 26 years old?! his behaviour is fairly typical of a 26 year old (and an only child). i'm not gonna lie, i shouldn't be complaining if i've decided to be in a relationship with a 26-year-old!

the weirdest thing has happened to me... i haven't really been drinking. WTF? often i've been having only 1 alcoholic beverage in a sitting. AND i don't mind. AND i don't care to have more. AND i've been nursing the 1 drink. AND i've been completely sober when i'm out OUT! i'm not gonna lie, i'm shocked! i think this may be a sign to go on a drinking hiatus.

fine fine. i kinda lied. i did have a little more than 2 glasses of wine last night. i'm not gonna lie, i enjoyed it. i believe this may be a sign to therefore go on a drinking hiatus from everything BUT wine. haha.

i'm not gonna lie, i probably haven't been drinking an abundance of alcohol lately because i've been putting too many other things in my mouth! such as...

yummzy - Southwest Salad at Turtle Jacks Muskoka (my new fave resto)

heavenly dessert -  fire & ice at Turtle Jacks

peach bellini (the best bellini ever) at Earls Restaurant

peanut butter chocolate mini cupcake from Starbucks

Starbucks minis (2 lolli-cakes: birthday cake & rocky road, salted caramel square)

  

that's it for now. hope you're all enjoying your weekend! 

HAPPY SATURDAY!!

anonymous comments now disabled!

well well well... looks like i've opened quite the can of worms with my ex-factor post. i have received another anonymous comment for that entry.

i've said this before and i'll say it again, THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN BLOG ON WHATEVER I WANT TO! with that being said, i blog about things that are on my mind since i'm not a person who vocally expresses feelings. so yea, i blogged about my ex and what he texted to me. but so what?! THIS IS MY BLOG! 

i have no shame, so i'll showcase the anonymous comment in a moment. but to the anonymous person who has no balls to reveal who you are, if you have a problem with me, you're a chicken shit! own up to your opinion and your thoughts instead of commenting anonymously.

because of your tactless ways, i have now disabled anyone commenting anonymously.

oh and by the way "anonymous", here's your comment for everyone to see. since i'm sure you intended it for everyone to read...

* * *

Anonymous has left a new comment on my post "the ex-factor":
"Let this be a huge reminder to everyone to think twice before sending this chick a text."

* * * 

who ever you are, you should go find yourself some balls.

haters gonna hate

(via)

i am not a good person. yesterday i officially concluded this and i have no interest in being a good person again. this is because there's a huge-ass, heavy chip on my shoulder and now i genuinely feel things are owed to me! who the eff publicly says (writes) such a thing? basically not a good person. and that's me!

i have my hate on and it's on STRONG! sure, i'm still always smiling and i'm polite, but if you only knew what i was really thinking... you'd definitely not like me. and you know what? i don't care! around 6 years ago, i made a conscious decision to be a better person, but it has gotten me no where! so why the f*ck should i even be a good person?

here is what's been running through my mind lately...

• it was my ex's birthday the other day and i was really hoping it was not "happy" for him at all!

• i found a ring the other night. i've established it is 14K white gold, but not sure what stones are in it. this ring is definitely worth a pretty penny and sparkles like diamonds... and i have no intention of returning it to the resto-lounge i found it at. how can i be so sure the place will actually return the ring to it's rightful owner? besides, no one has ever returned something valuable i have ever lost.

• we had a wonderful 3 birthday celebration dinner with 12 of my closest friends last night. and to be honest, it really wasn't great to see everyone. (sorry ladies, i know some of you read my blog...) sure i was happy to see everyone is doing well, but i really don't have anything to contribute to their conversations. i have nothing to add when talking about giving birth, taking care of children, trying to get pregnant, breast feeding, in-laws drama, husband/boyfriend woes, blah blah blah blah. you get the point. the reason why i was quiet during dinner is because i can't relate to these topics and i'd rather not hear about that stuff because it has nothing to do with me. do we really need to speak about the above topics 95% of the time we spend together? if this is the case then my presence is not needed.

• i f*ckin hate the fact that one of my closest friends hangs out with my ex because her hubby works with him. i found out they were with him the other night and this little effin-not-a-big-deal tidbit bothered me all night and is still bothering me right now! how do you get over an ex knowing good friends of yours will probably know the ongoing updates of his life? how can i avoid not wondering if they have met the new girl he's seeing or actually become friends with her? they're suppose to be MY FRIENDS FIRST!

see what i'm sayin? i am NOT a nice person! i've been going no where real fast and frankly, i'm very tired of it!

i'm not gonna lie...

i'm not gonna lie, there's a phrase i say repeatedly and even more so when drunk. if you know me personally i say it much too often. on the advice of my real life friend and blog friend Leesh, i've decided to create my own blog series called (yup, that's right!) "i'm not gonna lie..."

so with that, i bring you the 1st edition of (tada!)

 i'm not gonna lie...

i'm not gonna lie, i still haven't folded my clean laundry from last week! now tell me who you think is the laziest of them all?!
 

i'm absolutely in love with my iPhone 4. i'm not gonna lie, i tell people it's the love of my life. it actually sleeps on the pillow next to me.

i'm not gonna lie, my snuggie confuses me. each time i try to wear it, i have to pause and think about how to put it on. i guess it doesn't help that you can fit another 2 of me in it. if you ever find kid size snuggies, please let me know!

there's a huge possibility my coworkers and friends think i'm an alcoholic. apparently, i only tweet and fbook about alcohol (and food)... i'm not gonna lie, today is my 1st day sans alcohol after 6 consecutive days of drinking beer. the main reason i'm beer-free today is because i'm scared to gain a beer belly. i wish drinking beer would cause a different body party to grow... how awesome would it be if we gained "beer titties" from beer binging?!?!

i'm not gonna lie, i was a little annoyed with my blind date this past Sunday. who agree's to meet someone for the 1st time with their "Movember" mustache? plus i like my conversations two-way. i'm not gonna lie, first impressions make an impression on me.

i'm not gonna lie, i'm also annoyed with my almost blind date i was suppose to have tomorrow. he takes too long to return text messages and it's taking too long for us to make actual plans. that's it, i'm cutting him off! i'm much too busy to deal with this nonsense. apparently, he used to be hot in high school, but i don't remember thinking he was hot anyway when i met him in the summer. haha.

i'm not gonna lie, i procrastinate when responding to the almost blind date's text messages.

i'm not gonna lie, i don't really want to date right now.

i'm not gonna lie, i'm gonna be a scrooge again this year. but if someone has a Festivus celebration, i'm all for it!

how to deal?... with a nagger

DAMN IT! i should have known when i scraped the frost off my car this morning with my cheap-ass dollar store glove (because i couldn't find my car snow brush - i swear someone stole it) that it was a sign it wasn't going to be a good day! i owned 1 of those transformers brushes that expands with a pull of the handle... so who wouldn't want to steal it?? it's pretty fricken awesome!

i had a bad case of the Mundays today! BIG TIME!

the weekend, was good but i guess the nagging of my aunt finally sunk in today and boy, it did not feel good...

i saw her for the most part - a total of 10 minutes over the weekend, but she gave me a year's worth of nagging! i remind myself everyday I'M OLD and lack many things in life so there's no need for me to hear it from family members as well! i guess the novelty of my niece has worn off and now my family is back to focusing on me. if i ever move to a city where i don't know a soul, you can blame it on my family! i love them dearly, but i don't know how much more i can handle hearing them complain of my short comings.

(via)

so my question to you is, how do you deal with naggers and tune them out? how do they not drive you insane???

i know, you know how i dealt with it... i ended my day with a couple of pints of beer!

tidbits & randoms

oh boy, looks like i'm sick. don't think it's full blown yet. just a burning sore throat and little cough. no fever. but i don't want it to get worse than this. so it looks like i'll be cooped up at home all weekend and this is something i don't know how to do... no UFC watching at Pam's, no Hot Stepper 15th anniversary party featuring Caron Wheeler from Soul II Soul, no visiting cutie little baby boy Kai, Jenn and Jay. NO WEEKEND NOTHING. it's just me, myself and i.

i'm already going stir crazy. thinking, hmmmmmm... maybe it is possible to go out tonight? but i know i shouldn't. i think i wouldn't feel this way if i actually lived with someone. living by yourself can get really lonely.

in boredom comes too much thinking and many randoms and with that comes this blog post. here's some of my tid bits and randoms...

"People say that bad memories cause the most pain, but it's the good ones that actually drive you insane."

- this saying is exactly why it's taking me forever to get over the last ex. even the tiniest things remind me of him. how do i get over him if even the smallest of things make me think of our good times together?

"you will have your heart broken more than once and it's harder everytime."

- are you effing kidding me? the next time is going to hurt more than this? f*ck me!

- (fyi, stole this saying from one of Reni's blog post. which can be found here.)

currently repeated on youtube (i'd listen to these songs on itunes or my iphone, but i don't have them):

"only girl (in the world)" by Rihanna

"runaway" by Kanye West featuring Pusha T

"teenage dream" by Katy Perry

"rocketeer" by Far East Movement featuring Ryan Tedder
 

"what's my name" by Rihanna featuring Drake
 

"sooner or later" by N.E.R.D.

so i made plans for Wednesday to hang with a past love of my life... do you think this is crazy??? him and i were never really together for 3 years and i believe it took me 4 years to get over him. but i swear i wouldn't make plans with him if i wasn't over him. and I SWEAR I AM! i don't think of him and when he contacts me, i don't care and i forget to call or text him back. to be honest, i'm thinking of bailing on him.

"i'll let karma take care of you for me."

LOL! i so can't wait for this day. oh and i know it will come...

i was right! i don't know how to stay home. spoke to Pam recently... looks like i'm going to her place tonight to get some vitamins and watch UFC then head over to the Hot Stepper party with her hubby and friends. besides, i don't think i'm really that sick... i think... 

i have all of tomorrow to recuperate if need to anyway. HA!

1st hell then sin.

F*CK ME!

this week is going to be a week from HELL! though i can't wait for it to be over, i really need this week to drag so i can get all my work done...

• i have a multi-million promotion launching in a week's time at 22 locations across Ontario.
• pre-promotion events launching this Friday at 3 locations.
• another pre-promotion event launching this Saturday.
• and a baby shower i've co-organized this Saturday. 
• plus i have to train staff this Wednesday night.
• also go on site this Saturday morning.
• the above doesn't even include my 7am - 7:30pm work days and all the work i need to complete to make sure EVERYTHING goes smoothly...

 F*CK ME AGAIN! grrrrr...  urgh... argh... bleh... meh...!

 

what a sad, sad, sad list the above is... and what does a sad list call on?? it calls on a HAPPY LIST!

and this is what my HAPPY is after hell week is done...

VEGAS BABY! VEGAS!!!

(via)
 
 ... SinCity trumps hell! i'll be sinning soon! hehe.

day 26. pet peeves.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:

5 pet peeves.

1. the pre-bail. the "pre-bail" happens a few days prior to the day you made plans. it's when little hints and excuses are voiced leading up to the plans and then on "the day", that person bails. i don't understand why people make plans and then do the pre-bail. just be straight up. if you don't want to go or think you can't go anymore then say so without sugar coating the process and dragging out the actual bail. just so you know, most people have concluded you're going to bail. there's no need to be flaky.

2. personal news announced impersonally. i recently wrote a post regarding this. click here if you want the deets.

3. pda (public display of affection). this is probably my oldest pet peeve. i say this because back in high school i used to go to the library with a friend and her bf at the time. i remember when she had to use the washroom, he would have to walk her to the door (holding hands of course) and then have a full blown make out session with her in front of the door. i remember thinking, what the eff?! the toilet isn't going to swallow her up. she'll be back in a few minutes.

4. traffic on days and times there shouldn't be. i believe traffic should not exist on a Sunday or really late at night. why the eff should there be? it's not a work day and it's not rush hour so we should be cruising on the roads and highways.

5. people who clip their nails in public places. seriously? that's just f*ckin gross and disgusting. why would people feel the need to cut their nails at work and not wait til they get home is beyond me...

personal news shared impersonally

imagine this...

you're a pretty good friend of mine. we've known each other for almost 20 years. and you find out i'm engaged at the same time my 950 friends on facebook do?

i wonder if my parents would mind if i told them about my engagement via text?

how about if i asked you to be part of my bridal party through twitter?

or...

how about if i was pregnant? would you care that i was expecting and only found out when i updated my status on facebook?

our twenty years of friendship lumped together with people i may have only worked with for less than a year... people who i may have only seen less than a handful of times... people i may never see again in person for the rest of my life... you're grouped in together with all of them.

call me old fashion, but that information about me i consider very personal, very important - they're one of the very few milestones i'll ever experience in my life... that information is very near and dear to my heart and I DON'T WANT ALL 950 facebook friends to know about it at the same time my family and close friends find out about it.

i really believe my very good friends and family deserve better than that.

maybe you don't agree with me. and that's fine. we're all entitled to our own opinions. i just think those people who have been there for me my whole life and who will forever be there for me, deserve at least a phone call when i share with them some of the greatest news of my life.

where's the payback?

i'm probably going to get allot of flack for this post, but TOO BAD! this is my blog and i can blog on whatever i want to.

if you have ever watched "Sex and the City", this is my Carrie Bradshaw moment...

i'm starting to think it's about time i receive a ROI (return on investment) for the many, many MANY years i've been spending money on everyone else. to be more specific, i've created a list of those items i feel i don't receive any return on:

• weddings
• and any related wedding things ie. engagement parties, jack n jills, bridal showers, stagettes, etc.
• baby showers
• my friends' kids birthdays
• and any other events celebrating the milestones of my friends' lives

i probably sound very bitter to you right now and if that's your thought then you don't really understand what i'm complaining about. when i think about it, i've probably spent approximately $10,000 (at least and this amount is only going to get larger) on the above list - celebrating all my friends' happiness. don't get me wrong, i'm very happy for all my friends. that's why i partake in these celebrations and probably have fun celebrating especially the stagettes. but the reason why i'm invited to the above is to celebrate SOMEONE else or an extension of someone else and that someone else is not me.

let's be honest, all signs are pointing to me not getting married anytime soon and a baby isn't going to soon be in my cards either... and you know what this means? this means all of the funds i have spent on everyone else is not returned because my friends won't be spending money on me for any of the above listed items.

with that being said, maybe i should have a party - celebrating ME and my relationship status... i can mail out invitations, have a registry and a money box too! or maybe just have a smaller scale party equivalent to a bridal or baby shower. i can still send out invites and have a registry for that. the party can be known as a "singleness shower". on the registry would be items specifically for being single like clothes, shoes, purses, accessories but i'd choose moderate price point items for my registry because bridal and baby showers have fairly moderate ticket items on those registries as well (hey, it's only fair!). i'll even mail out thank you cards after my event. basically, i'd follow the same protocol as celebrating getting married or having a baby.

what do you think of my idea? do you think it would fly with my friends? or would you be insulted?