it's no lie, i have feelings for my ex. chances are, you know this if you've read my blog recently. and yes, it's no lie, i'm currently in a relationship with someone else (26er) while having feelings for my ex. but you probably know this too.
let me give you some background about the ex also known as “the dude”. the last time i had contact with him was this past November and at the end of it, he had no interest in being friends... no interest in even being acquaintances... i was confused, upset and hurt but most of all furious because he could dismiss me with no recall of why we got together in the first place. despite all i was feeling that very moment, there was no denying my heart still felt for him even though my mind decided it was time to move on.
if we wanted to or not, we both knew sooner or later we would run into each other since we have mutual friends.
fast forward to the weekend that just passed, it was now that time...
initially i contemplated not going to 3 of my friends’ birthdays because there was a chance the dude might be there. living my life in fear of seeing “him”?! that’s no way of living life and a no-show was unacceptable to the birthday celebrants especially since one of them lives in NorCal and was only in town for a short while. plus he told me about his birthday celebration over a month ago.
so we devised a plan – ignore the dude and pretend i didn’t know him. done and DONE! he wouldn’t be the first i did this to... besides 26er is rolling with me tonight.
so... ummm... yeaaaaa... the plan didn’t go according to plan. come on now Maur! execution never goes as planned!
yup, the dude showed up and instead of ignoring me too, he tried to get my attention and talk to me all night. at one point he was showing me something on his BB and 26er saw at a distance and assumed i was giving my number because everyone knows when i’m drunk i give my number away like candy. but duh, i don’t do that when i’m spoken for. haha, silly 26er.
oh and by the way... i didn’t inform 26er that an ex would be there that night. i don’t know. was i suppose to? would you?
but it’s all good... i made sure everyone there was aware i had a man without any annoying PDA and i was not giving the dude the time of day, but he didn’t care AND his friend (that he arrived with) didn’t care either because he was hitting on me all night.
i’m not done.
when the dude thought i left, apparently he text me a couple of times because he didn’t get the chance to say bye and proceeded to tell me that when he saw me a few minutes later.
i didn’t say bye to the dude or his friend when i left, but i did check the dude’s texts after. in summary, he text me; it was "good seeing me"... AND...
***WARNING*** THIS IS WILL BE TOO MUCH INFORMATION*** SO DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW TOO MUCH INFO!
he also text me; “for the record, the sex was amazing. probably the best. we have good chemistry, honestly awesome!”
and with that, all the progress i made in getting over him was set back tenfold. i’m not gonna lie, i miss him like crazy and think of him often when i’m with 26er. and even more so after this weekend.
side note: his friend also sent me a direct message on twitter during the night, which didn’t make sense since i couldn’t hear him all night. however, i know it was sexual in context because this wouldn’t be the first time he’s DMed me.
side note #2: i know i’m not overreacting about the dude’s interactions because our mutual friend (who was not there cuz she’s pregger but her hubby was present) text me the next day to let me know her hubby informed her the dude was acting dumb about me all night.
side note #3: by the way, 26er did end up surprising me with flowers and dinner for Valentine's day.
6 comments:
Okay...this is messed up but I think on his part, it may be a case of "I want her now that I can't have her" and on your part, you don't want him. I don't care if the sex was good or you miss your relationship with him.
Remember this and you even wrote it yourself, "he had no interest in being friends". Tell yourself this over and over again when you think about him.
Maybe I am being biased because I just met 26er and really like him and never met the dude. At least 26er made the effort to meet your Westside crew friends. The dude only spent time with you and his friends or your mutual friends. 26er met your friends two nights in a row. What a trooper and he survived! Not to bring up Mr. Guy but he hung out with your guy friends without you to play ball. Your BF being social with your friends is important to you, also remember this.
Speaking from a friend who can see you happy right now, sleeping (I hope) at decent times, no longer tweeting at weird hours and spending time with a guy you like...I rather see you this way than the reverse after the dude broke your heart, stomped on it and crushed it a little more. It took you a while to get back on your feet but here you are today, back on your feet and moving on. Don't take a few steps back for one night of pleasure or a relationship that never reached its full potential. It's not worth it in the end when you are happy right now.
I'm not hating on the dude but don't feed into his plays. Concentrate on what you have now and what you have to look forward to. Remember that you wanted to end it with your current guy while we were at Joey's and he didn't give up on you. You talked things over and made it through.
Anyway, I could be saying gibberish because it's early in the morning but maybe you and I need some bubble tea talk time!
p.s. - I can't believe he wrote that in a text. Was her sober or drunk?
p.p.s - it's okay to think about your ex from time to time but never act on your thoughts and remember - he broke your heart...bad.
HA! i knew the 26er was up to something for Vday.
oh my! well, i knew that you had feelings for the ex - but WTF! what's wrong with him? now he's all over you? i think it's kinda rude when at first he doesn't wanna do anything with you and now that he saw you with someone he's all nice and cuddly. life, life, life. i guess you have the last laugh, you were the best sex he's ever had or he'll ever have, he lost his chance so he needs to suck it up and shove it (and i mean that in the nicest way possible!).
I agree with Leesh - I think this is a case of I want her now that I can't have her. I guess the dude can't bear to see you happy with someone else!
Leesh, Reni, Elisse: when he 1st started talking to me, he didn't know i was there with anyone. i'm not an affectionate person in public, but w/o over doing it, "the dude" knew by the end of the night 26er was my man.
the dude had no interest in being friends hence why i was standish towards him. and if i see him ever again and he pulls this crap on me again, i'll be sure to call him out on it!
Leesh: to the dude's defence, he didn't hang out with my friends (who aren't mutual) because i never really invited him to. that's my bad. i wasn't ready for him to be in that world.
not sure if the ex was drunk that night because i wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. i'm guessing he was at least tipsy. sober or drunk, he probably would have text me that... he has a warped way of admitting when someone or something is on his mind - he's fairly unemotional and is incapable of realizing when something is bothering him. and he has no idea how to miss someone and would never admit it when he does.
i am happy now and have no plans in breaking up with 26er for the dude... like i said, i'm in the process of getting over the dude and seeing him just set me back. even if he didn't pay attention to me at all, i'd probably be set back a bit. i just wasn't expecting him to not be ignoring me too.
yes please, let's do Btea!
Reni: thumbs up to 26er for doing something for me on our first Vday. he's a smarter cookie than i thought.
LOL! shove it in the nicest way possible, i wonder if that's even possible?! haha.
Wow, The Dude is selfish! He seems to be all about himself. Maybe he thought you were going to wait for him forever? As if... First he says he doesn't want to be friends and then one run-in and he texts you things that are inappropriate considering you're with someone else.
I've had my fair share of ex drama and I should've cut some of them off sooner rather than later. I let them wield control over my emotions for too long. Because of that, my recovery and getting over them took longer than it should have. I hope you don't let The Dude do that to you.
I've never met either The Dude or 26er (and we haven't hung out in a while so I can't tell your disposition) but it sounds like you're happy with 26er. Why let someone who is immature and selfish set you back?
When it comes down to it, you control this situation. You deserve to be happy.
hi maur sorry i haven't had a chance to comment - i've been reading blogs/commenting in spurts whenever i take a quick break from work.
in my opinion, when there are still feelings for an ex, that means there wasn't proper closure. for whatever reason, the relationship ended when one or both parties weren't ready to end it so feelings will never truly be resolved until your feelings for him (or vice versa) are squashed. this is why people argue and breakup, get back together only to argue and breakup again. it's only when there's really nothing left or the constant arguing eventually erodes your emotions down to nothing when you finally get closure and are done with it.
but good for you for knowing that you/your ex aren't a good fit. most people would continue on and hope for the best knowing that it'll probably not work out in the end. a good move on your part to cut your losses and find someone else who's not toxic. sure, you may have some feelings for him but over time, those will disappear as you learn more about your new man and move on with life.
hopefully one day i'll meet him! :) i'm so happy that you're happy. when are we going to joey's again?
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