some days are easier than others, but not today. today, i'm filled with some overwhelming emotion that i can't quite pin point. it's a combination of love, hate, sadness, confusion and bitterness... how can that be healthy for anyone? it's definitely not healthy for me, but it's often a feeling as of late. i'm not fighting it today.
it's one of those days where all I want to do is workout, not eat, drink & smoke. fortunately for me, my body is strong & can handle the abuse.
i imagine the day where walking by him doesn't phase me, where simple things don't force me to think of him, where random email interaction means nothing to me...
i try to focus on my happy things to break free of this rut but i'm without success. it's too difficult when there are the slightest reminders of him that consume my mind & my heart.
and in reality, being with him is part of my happy list.
after so many depressing entries, you're probably thinking i'm pathetic and my problems are miniscule. but this is how i feel and there's no denying it. this is my battle i live right now. you have yours. i have mine. no one's life is any more important than the next.
let me deal with it in my time and in my way. and one day, i'll be okay.
3 comments:
I don't think your problems are minuscule - here's hoping that you have more good days than not. It's a terrible feeling to feel stuck and immobile.
Take care!
You WILL be okay. That day WILL come. I promise you Maureen. I really do.
I'm thinking of you, praying for you, wishing the best for you. Just want you to be happy with YOU.
Don't ever apologize for feeling the way that you do. You should never have to do that. Your problems aren't miniscule.
We are here for you :)
i agree, you'll have to deal with it at your own time, own space, on way. our problems are real and they are what they are because that's the truth and perspective we have. people can say whatever they can, but if it's your truth, then nothing else matters. xo
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