day 1. my 30 days.

tada! welcome to day 1 of my 30 days blogging challenge...

recent photo of myself + the meaning of my blog

back in the day i used to blog on live journal, but i don't count that as a real blog. back then, all my entries were cryptic and that defeats the true purpose of a blog.

"a little rough around the edges" is a total opposite direction of that live journal. here, i'm stripped bare and try to reveal all. if you personally know me, you know i'm an individual who does not like to express my feelings in fear of embarrassment and judgement... chances are you will never here me "speak" these feelings i type here. so if you genuinely are interested in learning about me and understand what i hide from the world, most likely you'll be able to read it here...

(on a side note: happy birthday mom! i love you much!)

my 30 days! and so it begins...

i just recently arrived home from btea with Leeshi who's an avid blogger. i envy her and how she's so dedicated to expressing herself through various channels. often there is so much i'd like to write and say, but don't have the courage to do it.

Leeshi told me about the 30 day blogging challenge. hopefully, this will help keep me open and teach me a thing or 2 about myself. i also hope it gives you a better understanding of the person i am today. tomorrow marks day 1 of my 30 days. it's a random day which is appropriate since i'm all about random lately. coincidentally, my day 1 happens to also be my mom's birthday! :)

wish me luck!

fell on black days

some days are better than others. you would think that i have never gone through a break up before or maybe it just hurts more because i'm in my mid-30s and my life hasn't changed much from 10 years ago... or maybe it's simply because i really liked him.

and it sucks that i still feel for him... and that i still think of him daily... curious to know what he's up to... wishing he still thinks of me... hoping he'll try to contact me.

yea, i know. i'm pretty pathetic.

and i HATE that this is how i feel. and i hate that i can get so sad at times cuz it really does hurt my heart.

there's many moments i replay repeatedly in my head, wishing i could take back some things i know has effected the "us" him and i are today.

easy like sunday morning

dude from October is still always on my mind. (WOW!)

we practically see each other everyday and i just can't get enough of him. what's cool is, i still am my social self... going out to lunches and dinners with my girls and boyz... hanging out with friends and fam... having binge drinking nights (LOL!)... yup. i'm still doing it all. him and i just manage to squeeze in time to see each other without compromising our plans with everyone else. (bailing is also one of his biggest pet peeves.) yes, we may see each other ALOT, but we indeed also have our time apart.

warning... here comes some corniness.

he's awesome! spending time with him is a ball, no matter what we are doing. he can always make me laugh. i can't stop smiling when i'm around him and when i'm not around him, i'm still smiling cuz of him. there's enough seriousness about him and he's not overbearing or a tightass plus he knows how to brush things off without going on a rampage. he's not cheesy, but he does nice things for me...

you guys are probably thinking, ummm yea of course it's all dandy cuz we're in the honeymoon phase, but him and i have already had our 1st disagreement... and he handled it smoothly, making sure to squash it right away. weird, he already knows me better than any of my exes. to be honest, he knows me so well, it feels like we have known each other since we were little kids.

so if you're curious to know who this dude is, i suggest you go to the NYE party i invited you to. it's kinda his party, so we'll both be there. besides, it's a great deal!

(stupid) dating game!

BAH!

i'm spending too much time with a dude and it's time to cut back. don't get me wrong... we still get along famously and i LOVE spending time with him, but i really need to take it down a notch cuz i'm setting myself to get hurt.

and no one likes a broken heart.

beer goggles

Note to self: DO NOT GIVE OUT MY NUMBER WHEN I'M DRUNK ASS!

Who am I kidding? I know I'm probably still gonna give my number because I have a problem with saying no most of the time...

So here's my real note to self: DO NOT ANSWER ANY PHONE CALLS OR TEXTS IF I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF HOW THE DUDE LOOKS!

Enough said.

meet me halfway

there's this guy and he's constantly on my mind. i don't know if i like the fact that i'm always thinking about him. it makes me feel vulnerable and i feel as though i don't have control over the situation. regardless, the thought of him makes me smile. and i like that part.

i started hanging out with him a couple of Sundays ago and within a week i saw him 4 times. now if you're reading this and you happen to know me personally, please do not pick up the phone, send me an email or text to ask me who this dude is. if anything transpires and he's worth while, i'll eventually tell you about him.

he's just a guy i get along with amazingly... a guy i would like to spend more time with... and a guy i would like to learn more about.

kinda sucks right now cuz for 2 weeks he's away on business . he just left yesterday and i was able to see him before he left. but i already started missing him the second after we said goodbye...

weird. i can't recall if any guy has ever made me feel this way this quickly before.