anonymous...

before i get to the meat of this post, i just want to apologize to all my fellow bloggers. i haven't had the chance to read or comment on blogs for the last couple of weeks. i'm hoping to go on a blog binge tomorrow. hopefully, i'll be caught up soon!

now to the post...

i received an anonymous comment regarding my ex-factor post. at first when i read the comment, i was insulted, but now i believe this person is playing devil's advocate. judging by some of the questions, this person doesn't know me well and has probably never had a one-on-one or heart-to-heart conversation with me... when i have heart-to-heart conversations with my close friends, many times it's one-sided. one-sided meaning, i allow them to pour his or her heart out and i mainly listen. it's not that i don't want to share details about my life, i'm simply a private person resulting from getting burned back in high school. it forever changed my outlook in revealing details of my life - lesson learned and lesson carried forward in my life.

instead of publishing this anonymous' comment, i've decided to write an entry about their questions, just in case you too may be questioning me... see below my answers in purple.

Anonymous has left the following comment on my post "the ex-factor":

Do you think it's fair for you to be with someone while still having feelings for another?

to be honest, it probably isn't. but i know there are people out there in a marriage or in a relationship (a happy one) and still have feelings for someone else. this doesn't mean he/she doesn't have stronger feelings for the person he/she is currently with. it IS possible to have feelings for more than one person simultaneously. i'm living proof that it's possible.

Did you take some satisfaction that your ex texted you?

i'm not gonna lie, of course i did! who wouldn't?! so yes, i was somewhat satisfied when my ex texted me! he threw me to the curb! and now i know he thinks of me and compares me to other girls after me.

Do you think you're using your current bf? Or are your feelings sincere?

i know i'm not using my current boyfriend. i enjoy spending every minute with him. i see him everyday. every touch and even when he accidentally touches me, gives me goosebumps and i physically feel a tingle throughout my whole body. the thought of him makes me smile and the minute we leave each other, i already i want to see him again. i know my feelings are sincere.. not any guy can make me feel this way... 

Do you think your current relationship has a future?

at this very moment, i would say yes because we are very happy and in the honeymoon phase. but in reality he's 8 years younger than me. even though i live this part of my life on the fly, i know in my heart, eventually i would like to get married and "maybe" have children. he probably doesn't want these things for quite some time. even though i may not want these things right now, he probably doesn't want them until years after i do...

Why do you separate your relationship from your friends? Do you have something to hide? 

no, i don't have anything to hide. as mentioned in the beginning of this post, i'm a private person. without going into too much detail, back in high school i mentioned (once) who i was going on a date with and then everything blew up in my face. at that moment, i vowed to never mention too many details of my love life. it's for the better i keep this to myself until i'm certain i'm comfortable with revealing that part of my world. my terms, always.

Do you know what you want from your life?

does anyone truly know what they want from life? if they do, do they really get what they want? just because people may know what they want from life, doesn't mean they will get it.

i know certain things i want from life, but i don't know everything i want... i know i want a good job that i enjoy. i know i want to be surrounded by good, loving people. i know eventually i want to be married and maybe have children... at this time, i'm not certain i really do want children. like i said, i know some things i want from life, but not everything. ultimately, i just want to be happy. 

What are you going to do when you encounter your ex again with or without your current bf?

if you read my comments from my last post, if he pulls the same crap again, i'm gonna call him on it... he told me he didn't want to be friends. so why is he speaking to me as though we are? i really can't give you a definite answer for this question, i can't predict the future.

If I had to read between the lines in your post, I think you're tempted by your ex despite knowing how destructive he could be to you.

yea, i very well know he's destructive. hence why i made the conscious decision to leave him in the past. what makes you think i'm tempted though? did you conclude this because if you were in the same situation you would be tempted? i guess in these circumstances many people would be tempted. yes, my ex texted me that it was good to see me and i was his best sex, but this doesn't mean the feeling is mutual.

(via)

the ex-factor

it's no lie, i have feelings for my ex. chances are, you know this if you've read my blog recently. and yes, it's no lie, i'm currently in a relationship with someone else (26er) while having feelings for my ex. but you probably know this too.

let me give you some background about the ex also known as “the dude”. the last time i had contact with him was this past November and at the end of it, he had no interest in being friends... no interest in even being acquaintances... i was confused, upset and hurt but most of all furious because he could dismiss me with no recall of why we got together in the first place. despite all i was feeling that very moment, there was no denying my heart still felt for him even though my mind decided it was time to move on. 

if we wanted to or not, we both knew sooner or later we would run into each other since we have mutual friends.

fast forward to the weekend that just passed, it was now that time...

initially i contemplated not going to 3 of my friends’ birthdays because there was a chance the dude might be there. living my life in fear of seeing “him”?! that’s no way of living life and a no-show was unacceptable to the birthday celebrants especially since one of them lives in NorCal and was only in town for a short while. plus he told me about his birthday celebration over a month ago. 

so we devised a plan – ignore the dude and pretend i didn’t know him. done and DONE! he wouldn’t be the first i did this to... besides 26er is rolling with me tonight.

so... ummm... yeaaaaa... the plan didn’t go according to plan. come on now Maur! execution never goes as planned! 

yup, the dude showed up and instead of ignoring me too, he tried to get my attention and talk to me all night. at one point he was showing me something on his BB and 26er saw at a distance and assumed i was giving my number because everyone knows when i’m drunk i give my number away like candy. but duh, i don’t do that when i’m spoken for. haha, silly 26er. 

oh and by the way... i didn’t inform 26er that an ex would be there that night. i don’t know. was i suppose to? would you?

but it’s all good... i made sure everyone there was aware i had a man without any annoying PDA and i was not giving the dude the time of day, but he didn’t care AND his friend (that he arrived with) didn’t care either because he was hitting on me all night.

i’m not done. 

when the dude thought i left, apparently he text me a couple of times because he didn’t get the chance to say bye and proceeded to tell me that when he saw me a few minutes later.

i didn’t say bye to the dude or his friend when i left, but i did check the dude’s texts after. in summary, he text me; it was "good seeing me"... AND... 

***WARNING*** THIS IS WILL BE TOO MUCH INFORMATION*** SO DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW TOO MUCH INFO! 

he also text me; “for the record, the sex was amazing. probably the best. we have good chemistry, honestly awesome!”

and with that, all the progress i made in getting over him was set back tenfold. i’m not gonna lie, i miss him like crazy and think of him often when i’m with 26er. and even more so after this weekend.

side note: his friend also sent me a direct message on twitter during the night, which didn’t make sense since i couldn’t hear him all night. however, i know it was sexual in context because this wouldn’t be the first time he’s DMed me.

side note #2: i know i’m not overreacting about the dude’s interactions because our mutual friend (who was not there cuz she’s pregger but her hubby was present) text me the next day to let me know her hubby informed her the dude was acting dumb about me all night.

side note #3: by the way, 26er did end up surprising me with flowers and dinner for Valentine's day.

February's "i'm not gonna lie"... + silly pics

i don't know about you, but this week has been exhausting. work has been kickin' my ass and kickin' it HARD! so much to do with so little time to do it... and why is it that my computer always chooses to work extra slow when there's an abundance of deadlines to be met at the same time period?!?! you suck work computer!

my way of releasing stress today is by writing this "i'm not gonna lie" post which is long overdue. enjoy!

i'm not gonna lie begins NOW.

i have no idea what to write. i'm not gonna lie, i've pretty much been staring at a blank blog post for quite some time and did not type a single word for the past few days. i'm not gonna lie, i started writing this post on hump day.

i know most of you agree when i say, Valentine's day is over rated. even though i completely believe this, i'm not gonna lie, i'm disappointed 26er does not care for the hallmark holiday and we will not be celebrating my awesomeness "us" in any form. i'm not gonna lie, it would've been nice to do a little something for our 1st Valentine's day together then i wouldn't care to ever celebrate Vday again. (that's if our relationship actually lasts...)

in reality, i don't deserve anything for Vday... i'm not gonna lie, i still have very strong feelings for my ex. but i swear, i'm totally infatuated with 26er. i'm not gonna lie, he's shaping up to be the best boyfriend i've ever had.

there's a girl at work i dislike a lot. and pretty much everyone does because she's crazy! i recently discovered a newly developed rumor she may be bipolar which by the way was not at all a creation of mine. i'm not gonna lie, i'm content that many of my colleagues are not fond of her. i may build on the negative energy focused on her, but at least i don't start it! ha!

i'm not gonna lie, i've been slacking on my food ground rules which are listed here and it's only been the 1st week. wow, i really lack any will power when it comes to slightly eating healthy! tsk tsk on me. i swear tomorrow is the true start date. last week was a false start... besides, one of the stupidest ideas is to start a (kinda) diet on Superbowl Sunday. DUH, Maureen!

i'm an idiot! i made plans to have dinner tonight with the crazy girl i dislike at work. i'm not gonna lie, i kinda feel sorry for her because she's crazy, weird and has no friends, but now i'm regretting making plans with her. at least we're going to Joey's - a restolounge i'm very fond of. i'm not gonna lie, i think i deserve a good Samaritan award today!

even though i suck at eating slightly healthy, at least i'm starting to get back to the old workout feen Maureen. 2 almost back-to-back rigorous 1 hour (each) cardio workouts on Mondays nights, yoga Tuesday nights and even more yoga (probably hot), now that i've bought 15 classes for only $25 and have a yoga partner to join. i'm not gonna lie, i'm quite proud of my aching self.

i'm not gonna lie, i don't have anything else to say. so with that, i'm signing off with some silly westside crew photos.  

Happy almost Valentine's day everyone! (Bah humbug!) Have a wonderful weekend!

Leeshi w/ her mini onion ring

snarly Mike

surprised Reg

picky Leeshi

silly couple

crackin' the whip on food!

no way did i ever think i would meet someone who has a bigger sweet tooth than me. but boy, have i met my match! 26er definitely wins in the sugar department. on the regular, he eats his ice cream topped with cereal, crushed cookies, nuts and whatever else he can grab his hands on then proceeds to drench it in chocolate AND caramel syrup. he justifies it by saying, "well it's frozen yogurt." and thinks it's okay. LOL! i imagine his dessert concoction looks something like this... 

i posted a cartoon pic because the real thing is NASTY! (via)

being with 26er does not help my horrible eating habits. my food plan is based on my cravings. so my cravings dictate my meals. i often dream about my cravings if i don't satisfy them in time and just my luck, my new guy happens to also crave a bunch of junk! DAMN HIM!

since 26er is no help in the "eating better" philosophy, i have decided to set some food ground rules for myself. how else am i going to keep this girly sexy figure and drink all the beer that i do? 26er can afford to eat crap because he's 26! me?? i surpassed that age almost a decade ago! (holy sh!t, I'M OLD!) i really need to learn how NOT to eat chocolate or chips for breakfast which i tend to do at least 3 times a week.

(via)

so here they are.  

my food ground rules:

#1 - fried potatoes only once a week! 

this means french fries, chips, french fries in the shape of chips and whatever form potatoes come fried.

#2 - absolutely no chocolate or any other type of junk food 

before 11:30 am!

#3 - extravagant desserts are capped 

at one two per week. by extravagant desserts i mean restaurant dessert meal sign-offs.

#4 - salad as a meal 

must account for at least 50% of my total weekly meals. 

#5 - FRUIT! 

love the fruit! be the fruit! better eat the fruit! which means each time a crave something bad, i better be grabbing a fruit for at least half a third of the time.

alright. let's see if i can DO THIS!

starting tomorrow...

what i've been putting in my mouth

i used to have an ongoing food and drink photo blog called "put it in my mouth", but since my fbook account is currently deactivated the eye teaser of yummy goodness is currently lost in cyberspace.

so i've decided to continue the food porn legacy here on my actual blog.

this is what i've been putting in my mouth recently...

deep fried california roll, calamari roll, tei roll (deep fried lobster) at Sushi Tei

walnut & avocado salad at Artisano

smoked duck salad at Spoon and Fork

hot roll (deep fried tuna) at Spoon and Fork

deep fried cheesecake at Spoon and Fork

ranch kettle chips at Kelsey's

baja fish tacos at Joey Don Mills

as you can see, i really need to go on a diet!

what's the 411?

if you follow me on twitter, you've probably figured it out... yes, yes, 26er and i are "together". 

we had the "talk" just short of 2 weeks ago and at the end of it, i thought we were "seeing" each other. little did i know at the time that "seeing" to him means we're bf & gf. LOL! guess i'm in a relationship then! 

don't worry. i wasn't tricked into being his gf. i genuinely like the guy. a lot. he makes me happy and just the thought of him does. but is it bad i still have feelings for my ex? if my ex were to ask me back today, i would definitely say "NO". but if he had a million dollars attached to him, i might change my mind. i imagine the begging would go something like this...

him: "i've been thinking about you for quite some time and no matter who i date, i still can't get you off my mind. can you please reconsider our decision to not be together anymore? i miss you so much and i now realize you're my match and the only one i can truly see myself with." 

me: "hmmmmmm... no. i don't think so..."

him: "but Maur, how bout if i give you a million dollars right now? would you consider getting back with me?"

me: "let me see the cash."

him: "here it is. all in this bag." he proceeds to open the bag and show me.

me: grabs the bag. "okay, i'll think about it."

here are the facts:

• 26er is my bf and i want to be with him.
• i still have feelings for my ex, but given the chance, i would not get back with him. 

question:

is it wrong to be in a relationship with 26er?

another fact... my relationship with 26er is complicated. not because of "us", but because of the circumstances. unfortunately, we have to be careful about who knows about us and where we go because we have to avoid certain people seeing us together. and if i was still on facebook, we would not be able to be open about us. which means no photo posting of us, no status updates involving what we do plus i wouldn't be able to befriend his friends. i'm not gonna lie, that sucks. thankfully, i'm not on fbook anymore.

and his age... he's considerably younger than me. being with him is what i may want right now, but realistically, am i wasting my time? what do you think?

(via)

January 2011 photos + a surprise in the mail!

finally, i can finish the new year blog challenge! 

the final prompt is...

a photo of myself in 2011 (solo or with other people, things i love, etc.)

taken by 26er on Sat, Jan 22/11

w/ Mason Lucas (1 day old) on Sun, Jan 23/11

at work on Mon, Jan 24/11

and that concludes the new year blog challenge hosted by the beautiful Reni who also happens to be my sista-from-anotha-mutha who lives in the country just south of me but west coast time. 

P.S. Reni! look what i received in the mail today! YAY! thank you, thank you for the thoughtful wishes while away on your Costa Rica vacay. love it!

hand written thoughtfulness (on the back) by Reni while in Costa Rica