day 5. my superhero.

day 5. today's prompt of my 30 days is:
favorite superhero + why they are my favorite

my superhero is...
mysterious.
sexy.
hot-headed and tough but has a good heart.

he's also on a constant quest to find meaning in his life and to find answers of his past.
he can get hurt, but can heal from those wounds.

and damn! he's just simply HOT! LOL!

he's Wolverine (also known as Logan).

he is my favorite superhero because he possesses the attributes i look for in a guy and that's why i like him. hahaha... nah, that's not really why.

Wolverine is my superhero because i can relate to him.

i too am still searching to find meaning in my life and understand why my life is where it is. plus Wolverine has the super power i want the most, which is having the ability to heal from wounds. but for me, not only would i like to heal physically. i would also want to have the super power of healing quickly from emotional scars.

day 4. my childhood.

today's prompt of my 30 days is:

a picture of me as a kid + 7 facts about my childhood.


(sorry, only have a baby photo of me. all my kiddie photos are at my parents house)

one | i was one of those typical girls that danced ballet, tap and jazz. i missed school for competitions in Ontario.

two | i never owned a barbie doll. I preferred to play with transformers.

three | when i was in grade 1, i lied about having a dog. i even showed classmates my Godmother's photo of her dog and claimed that he was mine.

four | i discovered boys at senior kindergarten and used to kiss the faces of the boys i was crushing over on my actual class photo. LOL!

five | i was envious of my friends next door whenever they had mac n cheese and begged my mom to make it for dinner. when she finally made it, i HATED it!

six | i used to pronounce "Burger King" as "Berber King" and never thought i pronounced it wrong even when kids would correct me. i finally started calling it "Burger King" a decade or so after.

seven | my favorite lunch sandwiches were crispy bacon with mayo on non-toasted white bread, hot dog with ketchup in toasted (soggy by lunchtime) white bread and nutella sandwiches. however, my aunt (she lived with us) would never make me nutella sandwiches. therefore, i would trade my snacks with kids who had nutella sandwiches.

day 3. a habit.

today's prompt for my 30 days is:
a habit i wish i didn't have.

i'm ashamed to say, i'm smoking again, but "smoking" isn't the actual "habit" i wish i didn't have. the habit i wish i didn't have is my habit to rely on smoking to make me feel better.

unfortunately, when i'm really down (depressed) or extremely stressed, i don't turn to friends. i turn to smoking.

(btw, i've named "smoking", "Trevor" for the purpose of this post.)

i know my friends are always here for me, but Trevor will ALWAYS be here for me. i can call on Trevor at any minute of the day and not feel like i'm bothering him especially at those times when the world is sleeping and i'm the only one awake. Trevor never asks me questions, never puts me on the spot, no matter how curious he is and he just let's me be. Trevor calms my nerves by just being around. Trevor doesn't mind if i ignore him one day and understands the next day i may need him almost every second. Trevor can always be replaced and he won't mind.

i don't hate Trevor particularly. i hate that i rely on Trevor to get through my day and that's my actual habit i wish i didn't have. i've gone through this before. i know when i'm truly ready, i'll leave him.

day 2 . my favorite season.

day 2 of my 30 days...

today's prompt:
my favorite season + why it's my favorite.

i crave the heat. i love the sun. i like it HOTT!

give me SUMMER!!!

Why? it's because...

the days are longer.
the nights are warm.
jackets are useless all day and all night.
downtown walks can be long.
people watching becomes more interesting.
the city never sleeps.
people are happier and friendlier.
people are out and about.
there's always something to do.
i can read outside.
i can chill on a patio.
an ice cold beer is more satisfying.
ice cream is more fun to eat.

plus...
i get to celebrate my birthday!

day 1. my 30 days.

tada! welcome to day 1 of my 30 days blogging challenge...

recent photo of myself + the meaning of my blog

back in the day i used to blog on live journal, but i don't count that as a real blog. back then, all my entries were cryptic and that defeats the true purpose of a blog.

"a little rough around the edges" is a total opposite direction of that live journal. here, i'm stripped bare and try to reveal all. if you personally know me, you know i'm an individual who does not like to express my feelings in fear of embarrassment and judgement... chances are you will never here me "speak" these feelings i type here. so if you genuinely are interested in learning about me and understand what i hide from the world, most likely you'll be able to read it here...

(on a side note: happy birthday mom! i love you much!)

my 30 days! and so it begins...

i just recently arrived home from btea with Leeshi who's an avid blogger. i envy her and how she's so dedicated to expressing herself through various channels. often there is so much i'd like to write and say, but don't have the courage to do it.

Leeshi told me about the 30 day blogging challenge. hopefully, this will help keep me open and teach me a thing or 2 about myself. i also hope it gives you a better understanding of the person i am today. tomorrow marks day 1 of my 30 days. it's a random day which is appropriate since i'm all about random lately. coincidentally, my day 1 happens to also be my mom's birthday! :)

wish me luck!

fell on black days

some days are better than others. you would think that i have never gone through a break up before or maybe it just hurts more because i'm in my mid-30s and my life hasn't changed much from 10 years ago... or maybe it's simply because i really liked him.

and it sucks that i still feel for him... and that i still think of him daily... curious to know what he's up to... wishing he still thinks of me... hoping he'll try to contact me.

yea, i know. i'm pretty pathetic.

and i HATE that this is how i feel. and i hate that i can get so sad at times cuz it really does hurt my heart.

there's many moments i replay repeatedly in my head, wishing i could take back some things i know has effected the "us" him and i are today.